Sven-gry: A Dutch Disaster

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I was pleasantly surprised to see speed skating on the menu for NBC’s afternoon broadcast: the men’s 10,000m long track event, featuring Sven Kramer –the pride and joy of the Netherlands.

Fifteen minutes before the end of afternoon coverage NBC finally turned out eyes to the last heat at the Richmond Oval where the familiar orange-clad Kramer was pulsing his way around the track, Ivan Skobrev of Russian in pursuit. For Kramer the race was actually against the time set by South Korean Lee Seung-Hoon. It appeared another perfect win for Kramer, who had not lost at this distance since 2007, until the very end.

As Kramer came to halt after the finish line it became immediately apparent that something was wrong: he threw a coach’s arm off his shoulder, kicked at the ice, scowled at the cosmos and the perplexed commentators tuned us into the Richmond Oval announcer, positing that Kramer had failed to cross into the appropriate lane for his last lap.

BBC.com

As officials, announcer and commentators grappled through the situation the cameras followed Sven’s fury against the backdrop of an arena shocked nearly silent. Kramer was disqualified in bizarre turn of events resulting in another South Korean speed skating gold, followed by Skobrev of Russia and Bob de Jong of the Netherlands. Cra-zy.

And cue the beginning of rubbing salt into a very bitter wound: “This will be talked about in the Netherlands forever, how Sven Kramer lost the gold by forgetting to switch lanes.”

UPDATE: As it turns out, Kramer’s coach mistakenly directed him to jump back into the wrong lane right at the end, thus causing Kramer (who had already crossed into the appropriate lane) to end up in DQ position. Coach is not talking to the media, but at least that statement from afternoon coverage [above] doesn’t hold true for Kramer: he didn’t forget, and even hesitated as his coach bellowed from the sidelines. So now the Netherlands will never stop talking about the coach who cost them “Svencouver.”

Holy upset Batman!

Going Over the Top: Firebird at the Ice Dance Finals

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“Here’s the top, now let’s go over it!” This is the commentary  that welcomed Jana Khokhlova & Sergei Novitskionto of Russia (not the “aboriginal” couple) onto the ice.

© Kristina Koroleva / http://www.khokhlova-novitski.com

Their free skate program is– you guessed it– choreographed to that Russian classic: Stravinsky’s Firebird. When I first saw Khokhlova’s headdress I was hoping for a super hero vs. super villain theme but then I saw her tail and it all became clear: she’s a firebird. It’s a pretty off-the-wall costume but it does get the point across; it embraces the theatricality of ice dance and let’s just say that it has grown on me since last night: appliqués on the tights, a tail, an almost drag-like aesthetic… good times.

At the time however… they stepped onto the ice and I shouted “Firebird!” in a fit. Molly dissolved into giggles before the first bar of music had even gone down,  punctuating her mirth throughout the program with gasped comments such as: “My face hurts!” and “That tail whipping around, it’s too much!” It was funny.

And onto the actual medal contenders.

Americans Meryl Davis & Charlie White had clean skate to Phantom of the Opera (show tune for the night shared with selections from Man of La Mancha used by another pair), showing the “perfect blend of athleticism and artistry.” Afterwards White said they were “trying to put the pressure on everyone else.” It worked almost perfectly, Davis and White took home the silver.

Meanwhile Canadians Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir executed the most graceful program of the night, winning another home gold for Canada.

nbcolympics.com

They could not possibly have been more adorable in their excitement. Nice to see Olympians who can barely contain their sheer unadulterated glee, bellowing out “Oh Canada,” grinning and jumping up and down on their home ice.

But seriously, how about that firebird situation?!

Colbert’s Vancouverage

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Let this serve as your reminder that this week will feature hysterical Olympic “Vancouverage” by Stephen Colbert. Obviously the show is hilarious as usual, but here’s the rub: the 11:30 time slot interferes with prime Olympic coverage on NBC. So as a PSA, I give you the Colbert Report rerun times: 2 am, 9:30 am, 1:30 pm and 7:30 pm, for your viewing pleasure. Me? I favor the 1:30 pm and then go right into the Ellen Show, provided that afternoon Olympic coverage beyond curling (which I can only watch so much of, having no idea whatsoever how it works) has started.

On a related note… I’m clearly an unemployed recent grad student and have a myriad of choices before my wide open days… ahem.

To inaugurate this first ‘Couv episode Colbert opens with, “You all just won a gold medal for stroking my ego.” And we’re off!

Favored quips about Canada, sure to be appreciated by ice-hole roommate Greg?

“Europe with normal toilets.”
“This being Canada, I will get up close and personal with a dead moose” (as foretold).
“Oh what a blinding white light! Looks like a Canadian took off his shirt.”
“What we call patriotism, they call loving Canada,” something he found out thanks to his English-to-English dictionary.
Lastly, regarding the various warm weather issues: “Here’s a fun fact about this riding: it doesn’t snow here.”

And last night’s guest? The ever entertaining Shaun White who, incidentally, rang the opening bell on Wall Street this morning where he brandished his Vancouver gold.

colbertnation.com

The two chatted about White’s awesome-yet-expected gold medal performance and his double mctwist 1260, which White gamely described as “very involved… just as tough to do as to say it,” an apt closer for his victory lap. Colbert’s version of a victory lap? “I would have just scooted down on my butt and gone, ‘medal please’!”

Sartorially, we discover that White is a fan of the Burton snowboarding gear sported by the US team. We also find out that Burton sponsored White at age seven, at which point some of us have to wonder what we’ve been doing with our lives all these years of not being sponsored by anyone or anything. Continuing on the note of sponsorship, White embraces the obvious joke about the correlation between himself and his current sponsor Red Bull: “How much of your hair is Red Bull?” “Ahh… contractually obligated to say 100 percent… I drink it, and it just grows!”

Ever the insightful journalist, Colbert then urges White to reflect on snowboarding versus figure skating as two sports scored by a panel of judges. Colbert wonders why the figure skaters indulge in that whole kiss and cry photo op pen and why snowboarders are not criers. White figures it has to do with sartorial issues at play: “I imagine they’re sitting there thinking ‘I wore this outfit and I still didn’t win!'”

And that’s why Shaun White is a trending topic in this blog.

Lastly, ever wonder why White has that private helicopter access only half-pipe, aside from the quest for mysteriousity? He can’t go to resorts and his friends don’t like to ride with him because kids are always following him taking video on their phones, looking only through the screen view whilst trying to ride down a mountain and “it’s just carnage behind me.”

Wouldn’t it be better to just watch Shaun White do what he does rather than film him on your iPhone right before face planting? Just a thought kids.