Colbert’s Vancouverage

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Let this serve as your reminder that this week will feature hysterical Olympic “Vancouverage” by Stephen Colbert. Obviously the show is hilarious as usual, but here’s the rub: the 11:30 time slot interferes with prime Olympic coverage on NBC. So as a PSA, I give you the Colbert Report rerun times: 2 am, 9:30 am, 1:30 pm and 7:30 pm, for your viewing pleasure. Me? I favor the 1:30 pm and then go right into the Ellen Show, provided that afternoon Olympic coverage beyond curling (which I can only watch so much of, having no idea whatsoever how it works) has started.

On a related note… I’m clearly an unemployed recent grad student and have a myriad of choices before my wide open days… ahem.

To inaugurate this first ‘Couv episode Colbert opens with, “You all just won a gold medal for stroking my ego.” And we’re off!

Favored quips about Canada, sure to be appreciated by ice-hole roommate Greg?

“Europe with normal toilets.”
“This being Canada, I will get up close and personal with a dead moose” (as foretold).
“Oh what a blinding white light! Looks like a Canadian took off his shirt.”
“What we call patriotism, they call loving Canada,” something he found out thanks to his English-to-English dictionary.
Lastly, regarding the various warm weather issues: “Here’s a fun fact about this riding: it doesn’t snow here.”

And last night’s guest? The ever entertaining Shaun White who, incidentally, rang the opening bell on Wall Street this morning where he brandished his Vancouver gold.

The two chatted about White’s awesome-yet-expected gold medal performance and his double mctwist 1260, which White gamely described as “very involved… just as tough to do as to say it,” an apt closer for his victory lap. Colbert’s version of a victory lap? “I would have just scooted down on my butt and gone, ‘medal please’!”

Sartorially, we discover that White is a fan of the Burton snowboarding gear sported by the US team. We also find out that Burton sponsored White at age seven, at which point some of us have to wonder what we’ve been doing with our lives all these years of not being sponsored by anyone or anything. Continuing on the note of sponsorship, White embraces the obvious joke about the correlation between himself and his current sponsor Red Bull: “How much of your hair is Red Bull?” “Ahh… contractually obligated to say 100 percent… I drink it, and it just grows!”

Ever the insightful journalist, Colbert then urges White to reflect on snowboarding versus figure skating as two sports scored by a panel of judges. Colbert wonders why the figure skaters indulge in that whole kiss and cry photo op pen and why snowboarders are not criers. White figures it has to do with sartorial issues at play: “I imagine they’re sitting there thinking ‘I wore this outfit and I still didn’t win!'”

And that’s why Shaun White is a trending topic in this blog.

Lastly, ever wonder why White has that private helicopter access only half-pipe, aside from the quest for mysteriousity? He can’t go to resorts and his friends don’t like to ride with him because kids are always following him taking video on their phones, looking only through the screen view whilst trying to ride down a mountain and “it’s just carnage behind me.”

Wouldn’t it be better to just watch Shaun White do what he does rather than film him on your iPhone right before face planting? Just a thought kids.


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