You probably saw The New York Times article in praise of the illustrious career of Bill Cosby, “Mining Cosby’s Golden Past,” counting down a top five examples of his televised genius. You may or may not have gone the distance and actually watched the clips, but they made my day, so I just had to post them.
You know I just love Letterman.
Filed under Commenting, Television
On an unsuccessful quest for the new limited edition Schweddy Balls Ben & Jerry’s pint, I discovered this magic.
Yes, this exists and it is delicious.
Also, this exists, and I am a little afraid of it.
I cannot imagine it cannot be better than the Stephen Colbert themed AmeriCone Dream, but that’s just me and my opinion. Have you seen that tragic new Jimmy Fallon Capital One commercial?
Sidebar: all the people who apparently take moral issue with ‘Schweddy Balls’ are just going to have to accept the fact that 1990s Saturday Night Live skits have officially become classics.
And who doesn’t love Alec Baldwin? And who doesn’t love rum, ice cream and malt balls?
As Baldwin said in his sixteenth host monologue for Saturday Night Live on this weekend’s season premiere: If you have a problem with ‘Schweddy Balls,’ then “Ben and Jerry’s has a new ice cream flavor just for you. It’s called ‘Go Fudge Yourself.'”
NBC.com / Mary Ellen Matthews
Onwards with my hunt for the elusive pint.
Filed under Cuisining, Informative
I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I am kind of an old man inside, and I really enjoy David Letterman.
Recently, comedian Bill Burr was featured as the end-of-show stand up fellow. It was life illuminated, as you may have inferred from the title of this post. I was so entirely amused, that here I am—days and days later—sharing the magic.
In short…
On reality tv: “You know, with shows where they stick like ten whores in a house, somebody tries to find a wife.”
On face lifts: “There’s no shirt for your face.”
On not drinking: “I remember every second of this year. It’s brutal, I don’t know what to do with myself. All my shirts are folded. The bed’s made. I’m sitting around waiting for Christmas.”
On ladies: “When I was a kid, I thought my dad was crazy. Then when I got older, I started dating and I realized, ehh… he’s making a lotta good points.”
On dogs: “I gotta work on my temper you know, it’s screwing up the dog. It is. We rescued a pit bull, which is basically like owning a teenage lion, you know. And I didn’t realize that dogs, like, they feed off your vibes. Like, if you’re chilling, they’re chilling, if you’re sleeping, theyre sleeping, but if you’re a psycho like me and you’re screaming at the ref on tv like ‘you gotta be kidding me!’ I didn’t realize the dog was in the corner like, ‘You gotta be kidding me…grrrr.'”
“Mentally the dog is walking through the tunnel at the Rose Bowl, like: This is what we play for! Somebody hit somebody!”
Literally, Burr finished his dog bit, ten minutes passed, I’m chopping spinach, and suddenly I am cracking up, pissing myself just remembering the dog bit. 100% true (both my reaction, and his observations on dogs).
In long…
Also, who else is excited for Park and Recreation to be back?
Filed under General Hilarity, Television
“I know what you’re thinking. ‘Hey, it’s the guy from Twitter.'”
“You’re Kanye West?!”
So Conan came back last night. I remembered halfway through, but luckily there was a rerun. That’s the great thing about basic cable. Lots of reruns.
I never watched Conan religiously. I tend to get sleepy—although my move from EST to CST has ameliorated that to an extent. On the other hand, primetime starts before I even sit down to dinner, so that’s a problem. I haven’t seen Community on-time in weeks. Thank goodness now that I’ve moved home (where I am forced both to watch and live my own version of Shit My Dad Says), I live with the benefit of a DVR—something I could not afford in my Manhattan shoebox.
Maybe I can take a note from Conan on the restructuring of life goals and dreams: “I have dreamed of being a talk show host on basic cable ever since I was 46.”
And I’m not even anywhere near that old, so I have lots of time to dream…right?
If Conan can achieve his dream of fitting his entire time off into one joke (“That’s like trying to keep an Icelandic volcano from wearing Lady Gaga’s meat dress while a trapped Chilean miner cleans up the BP oil spill, comma, Brett Favre’s penis”), then I can achieve my dream of functioning like a real person.
Don’t take away my dreams.
It was entertaining, despite how I have never cared much for the masturbating bear and probably never will. I also detest Lea Michelle (yeah, whatever Gleeps—don’t like her, don’t like her show).
Conan’s got a similar kind of retro-y set in the same color scheme, because—let’s face it—when you have Conan’s coloring there aren’t a many color schemes out there that are going to work for you. Even with the best in make-up and lighting.
tbs.com
On the other hand I think Conan has really hit on something by growing and keeping that beard. It hides some of the waxiness that is so apparent in the terrifying “Ex-Talk Show Host” mask that Andy Richter thinks looks “kind of like an Asian Val Kilmer,” despite being “very authentic” when you wear it because “inside it smells like tears.”
At any rate, Conan just looks jollier in a beard.
Plus he said that Jack McBrayer of 30 Rock will be on later this week, so I’ll have to tune in again.
Filed under Commenting, Television
This is what I took away from Shaun White‘s recent appearance (10/29) on the Late Show with David Letterman.
He was promoting his latest video game. It’s for skateboarding. I know nothing about it. I just know that Shaun White is a better product than the Olsen twins—and they had that tied up for a really long time.
Shaun White and David Letterman on the Late Show/CBS.com
Anyway, White was his usual affable self on the show (probably a skills set stemming from having had a sponsor since he could walk or some such thing), encouraging people to give snowboarding at least three days if they are going to try it, telling Dave to just give his seven-year-old kid a helmet and let him loose, and getting stoked.
Letterman opened by stating, “I watched the Olympics—how cool was that?”
Yadda, yadda, yadda, news from months and months ago and then down to it:
“I just tell everyone: give it three days, you know and really commit to it. And if it’s not your thing, then you know, walk away. But you don’t have to do what I’m doing to have a good time.”
Letterman senses free lessons.
“But now wait a minute so you’re saying, if when we finally get some snow and I get a guy like you or somebody to teach me how to snowboard, it’ll take three days?”
“Ahh, I would say at least give it three days… you know, you gotta give it a couple days.”
It turns out that Letterman senior and junior and have been alpine skiing for a two seasons now and Dave is considering the switch because, “the people that I’ve talk to that have switched to snowboarding say they’re never looking back. That it’s so much more fun than alpine skiing—and why is that?”
“There’s something about it, there’s kind of like a flow to the sport.”
On the other hand, “You know when you’re a beginning skier like me there’s nothing scarier than that sound of a snowboard sliding on ice behind you, and you’re just waiting to have your pelvis shattered!”
There are few things as cringe-worthy as the phrase ‘shattered pelvis.’
They moved on to White’s third board-related activity: surfing.
“You know, every time I see one of these surfing documentaries—and by God I’ve seen them all—everybody talks about the stoke.”
“The stoke,” repeated White, nodding wisely.
“Yeah. And I wanna be stoked.”
“I could see that, I could see that,” stroking his chin as Letterman continues to rile himself up.
“But you know what I’m talking about? I think there’s something missing in my life. I’m 63—I don’t think I’ve ever been stoked!”
Despite all this curiosity about being stoked, however, Letterman remains reluctant to set his kid loose on a skateboard.
“Aw, just give him a helmet and let him go.”
“Will you come up to the house?”
“I’ll come help you out.”
“Alright.”
“Least I could do.”
“So you’ll come up to the house.”
“I would love to.”
“I’m talking about tonight.”
Wah, wah, waaaaah. White did not seem too confident about that timeline, but in my dream world, Harry Letterman got a skateboarding lesson from Shaun White just in time for terrorizing people on Halloween.
***
Postscript: Amar’e Stoudemire’s Top Ten (reasons he is excited to play for the New York Knicks) was pretty amazing.
Filed under Commenting, Ponderings, Television, [Obscure] Winter Sports
NBC.com
[tweetmeme source=”JohannaAP25″] In case you live under a rock, the Facebook driven Betty White episode of Saturday Night Live finally happened this past weekend. the episode was a “Women of Comedy” night, reuniting past female cast members Rachel Dratch, Tina Fey, Ana Gasteyer, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph and Molly Shannon.
NBC.com
It was amazing. If you missed it, you need to get on your OnDemand, Hulu it, usurp your neighbor’s DVR– whatever you need to do to get it done. Your life will be illuminated.
NBC.com
Betty White came out for her monologue wearing an appropriately sparkly Golden Girls-esqy twin-set. She opened by thanking Facebook– “a huge waste of time”– for getting her on the show as a host at the age of 88 and a half years old, “So it’s great to be here for a number of reasons… But now I’m here tonight because you wanted me to be, and I feel so loved.”
With so many other hilarious ladies in tow, White definitely benefited from the revival of plum sketches and characters from the past decade or so, in addition to a some favorite current bits such as Kenan Thompson’s scared straight routine.
But about those old best of the best favorites…
NBC.com
Ana Gasteyer and Molly Shannon brought back “Delicious Dish” on NPR with a hilarious double-entendre centered around Betty White’s muffins. There was a giant muffin as well. This challenge to the classic Alec Baldwin “Schweddy Balls” skit required a lot of tweeting and– I am going to go out on a limb– that muffin easily gives the balls a run for their money.
Molly Shannon was back later with another legendary character that brought me right back to junior high days of watching SNL: Sally O’Malley was back, fifty (sidebar: I really hope that in a few years when Shannon actually is fifty, they have her back to reprise yet again) and kicking just as defiantly as ever. However, Dotty O’Donaghan was on set to challenge Sally as AARP representative extraordinaire: White’s Dotty is 90, and thus a just a touch less active that Sally: “I like to stand, I like to bend– and I like to sit.” Sass, sass and more sass; that is what you get from Betty White always.
NBC.com
Will you just look at those cheek bones? Plus, based on the continued existence of Sally O’Malley’s dressy sweat suit situation, I wonder if they still have Ana Gasteyer’s dress from her days singing awkward tunes with Will Ferrell as Bobbie Mohan-Culp, because I was pretty sure that I saw that exact dress at a thrift shop on First Avenue recently… but perhaps I was mistaken.
And do you note how thoroughly amused Seth Meyers is in the image above? Beyond the complete delightfulness of Episode 1575 as a piece of entertainment peppered with White’s surprisingly dirty mouth, razor-sharp delivery and cheekbones, let us take a moment to reflect on the giddiness of the entire cast and brigade of guest stars. People were on the verge of completely losing it throughout the night. During the Weekend Update segment, Meyers just gave up and reveled in the performance as a spectator.
NBC.com
And it just kept getting better.
“Really!?” came back, first with Seth and Amy, and then out of the necessity of a Greek commentator, Tina Fey joined in to chastise the Greek economy. Reaction to the Greek retirement age of 54 years old: “Greek people in America work the register at the diner ’til they die!”
NBC.com
And while Meyers always looks to be on the verge of breaking, even Poehler had a few moments of twitchy lips during Fey’s rant. It was indicative of the all-star evening… really. During the Lorenzo McIntosh scared straight sketch, Bill Hader oscillated between looking like he was having an aneurysm or the best time ever. It was probably the latter.
NBC.com
NBC.com
Towards the end of the show, the entire ensemble sang “Thank You for Being a Friend.” And then White said that although they had done a very nice job, she preferred her own heavy metal version.
huffingtonpost.com
NBC.com
Everybody has their preferences.
America prefers Betty White. And the Ladies of Comedy. And their versatility and genius. And I wish wish wish that every week could be even half as fantastic as this one.
Oh and if this Weekend Update said anything, it said that Seth Meyers could really use a buddy up there, even though we’re clearly all fans.
I could go on. I could recap Maya Rudolph’s hilarious stint as Whitney Houston on Update. I could discuss Amy Poehler and her baby bump kicking it as Gingey, the turn-of-the-century lesbian tomboy. I could note how hilarious it was to see Betty White introduce Jay-Z.
NBC.com
Instead, I will leave you with my favorite bumper photo of the night and urge you to watch the episode yourself and stop being a failure at life.
Filed under Commenting, Television
dailymail.com
[tweetmeme source=”JohannaAP25″]
I am a big fan of 30 Rock. I adore Tina, Alec, Tracy, the foreign girl writer, the black writer who went to Harvard, the Indian kid who used to be on Weeds, the writer dude with the hats and all the rest of the gang. I get sad for them when an episode disappoints and I rejoice when I am so filled with laughter that I feel the need to instantly tweet a choice line.
It happens.
It also happens that I am vastly entertained by Tracy Morgan, although I do admit to occasionally tripping over Jordan vs. Morgan.
Just another thing that happens.
Tina Fey recently made an appearance on The Late Show, promoting Date Night. Letterman and Fey got to chatting about Morgan, prompting Fey to query: “Does he make sense when he’s here?”
people.com
“No.”
A definitive ‘no’ from Letterman.
Fey then went on to reflect on–and do a hilarious impersonation of–the strange way Morgan has of saying things. Apparently there was once a hot blonde dancer lady on the set in Long Island City and everyone was giving a shot at hitting on her. Morgan– master of the bizarre turn of phrase– went up to the woman and said, “You look like you should be be married to one of the San Diego Padres.”
The impersonation was eerily similar to the one that my father does of Morgan by way of shouting, “Liz Lemon!” etc, etc, at me.
Yet another thing that just tends to happen.
And this is why I hate wearing my glasses. And that dress I have that Fey wore during the second season of 30 Rock.
dailyshow.com
A re-run of Fey’s appearance on The Late Show aired the same night (April 15, 2010) that Morgan visited The Daily Show to promote his new movie Death at a Funeral. Hilarity ensued.
“J. Stew! Stew Beef!”
“Please don’t make people on the street shout that at me!”
Apparently Morgan had been on the show less than a month earlier for the promotion of Cop Out–which I am sorry but those trailers were entertaining to me, they just were. It appears that Stewart had exceeded the advisable quota of Morgan hysterics for one month, because he lost his composure no less than about four-thousand times.
As Morgan came onto the set Stewart opened by declaring that Morgan smelled really special. Morgan’s reply? “It’s a new fragrance: Tito Jackson, the special fragrance for bass players.”
Morgan went on to explain how he is now fully A-list. He also explained that, “Coming on this show, you gotta have a GED, gotta have a diploma or something.”
“I’m A-list!”
“You smell A-list!”
And to be on twice in such close proximity! Of all the Daily Show guests, Morgan’s appearances have been the closest in succession. Ponder that elite A-list status, will you?
dailyshow.com
Morgan went on to shed a little light of his own on the whole Tiger Woods debacle. Stewart brought up the controversial tweets in which Jim Carrey had thrown some blame to Elin Nordegen and Morgan noted the essence of golf: “That’s what golfing is about. It’s about getting out of the house, away from your wife! It’s golf!”
I mean… he has a point. About golf.
Mysteriously an audience member had a hot tip for Stewart regarding the interview. He was told to ask Morgan if it was true that he hadn’t seen Spiderman because Tobey Maguire owes him $75.00.
“True …It had something to do with Governor Spitzer… it’s a long story.”
“What could you get with $75.00?”
“Oh, you’d be surprised!”
In one last worlds colliding moment, Morgan inexplicably asked, “Remember Moses? With Charlton Heston?”
My favorite spring holiday piece of cinema. Favorite.
dailyshow.com
And then Jon Stewart said exactly what I was thinking: ‘Tracy Morgan, I would like to follow you around for a week.”
bust.com
Morgan was also recently featured as the cover boy of this month’s BUST magazine as their headlining interview. The issue is the “Men We Love” edition, mainly full of hugely entertaining men like Morgan: Will Arnett, Aziz Ansari, Will Forte, etc.
In the interview one gets to learn a little bit about the relationship with Fey: “Well, when we’re at work we’re like brother and sister in the sandbox. And then when we leave the sandbox, she goes to her house and I goes to my house and that’s how it is. We play nicely in the sandbox.”
Way to ruin the assumption that everyone on television is secretly besties. Way.
Actually, the article covers a lot of serious ground– strikingly unlike his talk show interviews– such as his rough times childhood in Bed-Stuy, relationships with women and the mid-aughts when he faced DUI charges among other issues, all topics covered in his autobiography I Am the New Black.
But really this serious side in no way changes the fact that “Tracy Morgan, I would like to follow you around for a week,” or maybe just even a day.
Filed under Commenting, Television
[tweetmeme source=”JohannaAP25″]
Boston.com
People are up in arms about the Scrabble rule change announced recently wherein the use of proper nouns (“names, places, companies and brands”- CBS) is now within regulation. Purists across the globe have descended into the dark waters of a conniption fit en masse, ever since the BBC made this shocking discovery.
Yesterday morning on The View, Whoopi Goldberg broke up discussion regarding Dancing With the Stars in order to launch a rant against the new developments, exclaiming, “Shame on y’all Mattel!”
“That’s right! It’s just like the Scrabble you grew up with, minus what made it Scrabble!”
Stephen Colbert dedicated a segment to the descent of a highbrow classic into popular muck, declaring that the new version “will open up the game to a new generation of quasi-literate US Weekly readers.” He forecasted the rise of celebrity couple names such as– of course– “Brangelina,” along with “Filliam H. Muffman” and “Steyoncé” (Colbert has a crush). These wordplays would naturally garner a double score bonus.
Colbert went on to congratulation Mattel on their ballsy choice “to abandon the outdated notion that rules are what make a game a game.” The international word game élite no doubt simultaneously raised a glass to commiserate over the fall of an old friend.
Meanwhile, Slate Magazine’s Stefan Fatsis urged the public to stop hyperventilating in an exposé debunking this sign of the apocalypse.
freewebs.com/hardscrabbleclub
It turns out that while Hasbro owns the rights to Scrabble in North America, Mattel– let’s go ahead and call them arch-rivals– owns the rights outside of North American (remember that the story broke in Great Britain). Mattel is releasing a new novelty version of the beloved game this summer called Scrabble Trickster, which “will include cards that allow players to spell words backward, use proper nouns, and steal letters from opponents.” It will not in any way A) effect the North American Hasbro original or B) eliminate the classic version distributed by Mattel outside of North America. It’s just a new, silly, novelty game devised by marketeers to sell some games– after all, who doesn’t already own a Scrabble set? I think I have at least two, my parents probably have a closet full, so here I am in my mid-twenties set with Scrabble boards for life without having ever actually purchased one myself.
Plus if my roommate actually goes ahead and buys an iPad… Well, I’m sure you already know about the magical Scrabble app that allows one to use an iPhone as a letter holder from which a player can flick their word onto the board/iPad. Too bad I do not own an iPhone.
Ahem.
So how did this debacle happen? As far as I can tell, British Mattel spokespersons took advantage of a striking storyline and through negligence allowed the tale of Scrabbletastrophe to spread like wildfire because– hey guess what– now we’re all talking about it! This basically means that what Whoopi said still holds true: “Shame on y’all Mattel” for misleading board-gamers across the gamersphere. Someone could have died.
anglopole.wordpress.com
Whew. Crisis averted.
Sort of.
Filed under Ponderings
Words to Bumble 
Stephen Colbert Learns Dressage: “Who’s Winning? Me, or the Horse?”
In addition to dubbing Dressage “horse ballet” or “horse prom,” Colbert provided further clarification to the American public by describing dressage as “the sport of the summer—for those who use ‘summer’ as a verb.”
Touché.
Other definitions include:
Passage: Horsey walking sideways.
Piaffing: Fancy prancing.
You’re going to want to see that video here and then here.
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Filed under Commenting, Obscure Summer Sports, Television
Tagged as comedy, dressage, Equestrian, Late Night, London 2012, Olympics, Stephen Colbert