Tag Archives: Oscars

You Thought I Forgot About Helena, Didn’t You?

As you may have noticed, I have been tracking Helena Bonham-Carter’s red carpet looks over the past few months. From Harry Potter: Deathly Hallows, Part 1 to the SAG Awards, she has brought her own personal fashion crazy to the carpet.

Thus, she gets her own slide show in the final round-up of award season posts.

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What have we learned?

Helena likes beaded clutches shaped like fans and lips. Especially fans.

She wears legit Harry Potter glasses. She wears a lot of black. She likes full skirts and corset tops (possibly stemming from her early period film days). She is a little fashion crazy.

You would have to be a little kooky to be with Tim Burton, right?


Love it.

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83rd Year of Oscar Moments

I think we can all agree: the Oscars were more than a little boggling this year. The hosting team of James Franco and Anne Hathaway was oddly calibrated—to say the least. To say the most, they were awful and Billy Crystal should have just taken over half-way through when he came on stage to do that weird Bob Hope thing (which everyone could have done without, frankly).

Hathaway’s first moments onstage should have included the disclaimer: “I took uppers, he took downers! Isn’t it exciting?!”

Here is my disclaimer: I am not a Hathaway fan to begin with. Let that inform your reading as you will.

The opening montage was entertaining for very few reasons:

  1. It probably irritated Leonardo DiCaprio.
  2. Alec Bladwin had an Ambien juice-box.
  3. OK, the Social Network bit was pretty entertaining. Fine.
  4. Morgan Freeman subtly acknowledged that much of the world’s population wishes he would narrate their lives: “Alec likes me to narrate his dreams; says I have a soothing voice.”
  5. At the end, Morgan Freeman and Alec Baldwin both wondered who on earth Franco and Hathaway were.

That is five entertaining moments (and a couple horrifying ones such as the True Grit and Black Swan bits) in the part of the show that involves the most prep-work and was taped ahead of time.

You know what I miss? The Gilligan’s Island montage from 1998—the year of Titanic—when Billy Crystal was still hosting. He was entertaining. It starts here with the pre-taped montage and continues here on-stage with the Gilligan theme song parody, and then a When Harry Met Sally musical love moment found in As Good As It Gets sung to “Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off.” There’s even Hello Dolly redone for The Full Monty.

So good (also you get to see Gloria Stuart all crazy glammed up). That is how it is done.

I digress. Back to the present.


Little moments of note:

  • Franco’s grandmother informing the audience that she had just seen Marky-Mark was passable; Hathaway’s mother telling her to stand up straight was not.
  • Gone with the Wind tribute helmed by Tom Hanks, bolstered by an explanation of the ultimate Best Picture trifecta of Oscars, not won by a single film since Titanic, won for the first time by Gone with the Wind: Best Picture, Best Art Direction, Best Cinematography. I love Gone with the Wind, so I was on board for hearing some of the score and the Tara backdrop… but maybe it was unnecessary.
  • The four hundred hours it took Kirk Douglas to present Best Supporting Actress to Melissa Leo just has to be mentioned. It was arduous, it was a ridiculous and it was creepy. Kirk: please do not ever publicly lust over someone my age ever again. Anne: Do not ever “you-are-the-master”-bow to anyone in public ever again. Melissa Leo: Just because Natalie Portman said “asshole” at the SAG awards doesn’t mean you should drop the f-bomb to one-up her at the Oscars.

  • At least Leo’s faux pas created a diversion from the presenter-death that preceded and followed. We all know that Justin Timberlake is hilarious. Those of us who enjoy That 70s Show reruns while everyone else is at work know that Mila Kunis is pretty funny lady. Why was their banter the kiss of death? How was it possible? No one saw that coming.
  • Toy Story 3 wins for adapted screenplay? Adapted from what? The two preceding films? Mr. Potato Head? Cowboy make-believe play of the past 150-odd years? Theodore Roosevelt’s original Teddy Bear? What?
  • Blah, blah, Aaron Sorkin wouldn’t shut up and kept repeating names.

  • The seventy-something screenwriter for The King’s Speech, David Seidler, explained that, “My father always to me, I would be a late bloomer.”
  • What in the name of all that is holy was that musical number by Anne Hathaway. Stop talking, stop singing, leave Hugh Jackman alone, stop warbling about Wolverine.
  • Russel Brand “translating” Helen Mirren’s French introduction for the Best Foreign Film award, which included the supposed assertion that she played a queen way better than Colin Firth played a king. While Firth’s discomfited face was entertaining, all I could think was: Poor Dame Helen. This is what it has come to. I am sorry.

On to moments that deserve or just require full clips:

Remember that time Harry Potter movies—to the chagrin of the younger generations—do not win Oscars for awesomeness? Well, the ‘young and hip’ 83rd Oscars really hit the right note when they revealed an auto-tuned montage of ‘youthful’ movies with the most hilariously awkward scene in Deathly Hallows, Part I.

In re-reading that paragraph I am chagrined at the lack of a universally accepted sarcasm font for rants. You will just have to figure it out yourself.

And like, really, Twilight, really? Who was paid-off to have that embarrassment to humanity included in an already embarrassing montage. At least Deathly Hallows, Toy Story 2 and Social Network were nominated for things.

It did make me giggle. I will admit that. But it is not something I want to giggle at during the Oscars. On YouTube? Sure. Kodak Theater stage? No thank you. For the millionth time I ask: where is Billy Crystal?

Robert Downey, Jr. and Jude Law had one of the more lively presenter exchanges. You have to give them banter chemistry. It was laced with some mild ungainliness at the start, but overall one of the better duos. Unfortunately the clip cuts out before Downey informs the audience that Jude Law no longer has a ride to the after parties, in case anyone is interested.

Sandra Bullock was probably the best presenter of the night, calling out each of the nominees for Best Actor with solid pacing, humor and personality, including haranguing Jeff Bridges for having won last year and yet having the gall to be nominated again this year.

She sternly commanded Colin Firth’s attention—”Colin, Colin, right here”—resulting a typical move by Firth, my favorite little moment of the night: a bashful wave up to Bullock. This was soon followed by Firth’s admission that he was experiencing “some stirrings, somewhere in the upper abdominals, which are threatening to form themselves into dance moves, which as joyous as they may be for me, would be extremely problematic if they make it to my legs before I get off stage.”

But it all starts when we got to see Hathaway admit on air that people are definitely making a drinking game out of her hosting, as she introduces Bullock.

Colin Firth, you are fantastic. And I have enjoyed all of your acceptance speeches this season.

Natalie Portman gave her usual list of thank yous from previous appearances in past weeks, emphasizing thanks to her parents for teaching her to be a good person, etc. What I enjoyed about this one was her inclusion of the film people “who no one ever talks about, that are your heart and soul everyday;” she went on to thank her make-up and hair people, costume designers, dressers, camera operators, and first AD all by name. Classy touch.

And now, the moment that many a poorly programmed DVR lost: the “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” New York PS 22 Chorus finale with all the winners, and best of all a way too hyped up Anne Hathaway reflecting on how dreams really do come true, while James Franco is all like, whatever, I have no idea how I got here or why.

My favorite part is when Hathaway goes all cheerleader at the end and start high-fiving all the kids. I tweeted on their behalf:


P.S. For more Oscar recap laughs, head to the Tallulah Morehead Huffington Post rant.

P.P.S. For Academy Award fashion reflections, see my post from yesterday.

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Oscars 2011: Fashion Breakdown Deserves Its Own Post

Mila Kunis/ fashionus.com

Diving right in with commendable Oscar fashions.

Love, love, loved Mila Kunis in her sheer, lacy lavender affair by Elie Saab, winner of Slate Magazine’s “Maybe-my-boobs-are-tattooed” award. The Guardian thought Halle Berry wore it better a few weeks ago in a vibrant raspberry-fuschia shade, but I disagree. I think the softness of the lavender fits perfectly with the delicate design, and the light color makes the striking décolletage even more daring—yet classy. Kunis really rocked the red carpet repping Black Swan throughout awards season (see her gown at the Golden Globes and SAG Awards.)

Amy Adams/ Daily Mail

Mila Kunis wins the Words to Bumble All-Around favorite gown award. I want it. We have similar coloring. I want it.

In the classic category, Amy Adams owned a full-sparkle midnight blue number, and even worked serious bling into the mix despite the bejeweledness—pretty impressive feat.

Fox News called her look “Not Hot,” but you know, it’s Fox News. Most best dressed lists were on board with the high neck, cap-sleeved, classic Hollywood silhouette L’Wren Scott specimen.

Most adorable red carpet obviously goes to the surprising Hailee Steinfeld of True Grit, in a tulle-skirted (you know my weakness for puffy tulle), appliquéd 1950s-cut dress by Marchesa.

Hailee Steinfeld/ brandsonly.nl

Pulling off an unembarrassing  Oscars look at age 14: kudos to the kid. Dressing appropriately might be just as hard as earning a nomination.

Sandra Bullock pulled off fire-engine-red Vera Wang in a gown somewhat reminiscent of Nicole Kidman as Satine in Moulin Rouge.

Not only was it a fabulous dress, but Bullock was a fabulous presenter in it, something rare in the show. Mila Kunis for instance, despite a great outfit, had a pretty painful presenting experience alongside Justin Timberlake. Why was it so awkward? Why?

Sandra Bullock/ Daily Mail

At any rate, Sandra Bullock put in a strong audition to be next year’s host (maybe partnered with Tom Hanks or Robert Downey, Jr., or someone else who will try not to look bored/be stoned…). Calling Jeff Bridges “Dude,” will never get old.

Speaking of Nicole Kidman, some could not get behind the odd geometric silhouette around her hips.  I liked her Galliano Dior gown (politics of gross behavior aside—another reason for which some critics hated on the dress).

I also enjoyed how Kidman paired it with coral-red peep-toe shoes. In a sea of women wearing pale, white, off-white, cream, egg-shell, taupe, et cetera looks, the bright shoes were a pleasant surprise to contrast with the gown.

Nicole Kidman/ The Guardian

Honorable mentions go to Scarlet Johansson (all the same she should have considered brushing her hair at some point) in raspberry lace by Dolce and Gabbana, and Helen Mirren in gun-metal satin by Vivienne Westwood.

On the line between good and bad: Jennifer Hudson’s tangerine Versace was fun, but it did strange things to her cleavage. Weird things happened when she spoke. I cannot approve.

Cate Blanchett found herself at the three-way intersection of oddly pleasing, bad and interesting in a geometric coral encrusted Givenchy number.

I am just not sure what to do/say/think about it. So I simply note it.

From what I saw (having neglected red carpet coverage) there was nothing too terribly horrifying—at least not worn by anyone all that interesting…

Melissa Leo/ FoxNews

…Except the Marc Bouwer doily that supporting actress winner Melissa Leo showed up in. Awkward dress, kind of awkward acceptance speech (again)… I mean really: if you are nominated (despite awkward Variety ads), you should make more of an effort to be sure of a commendable red carpet and acceptance speech-giving look.

Just true.

This is not ageism speaking. Unless perhaps referring to the age of the doilies that were assembled to construct Leo’s dress.

Maybe without the sleeves and high collar? Hard to say.

Actually, I was sartorially disappointed by both winning actresses.

Natalie Portman/ Marie Claire UK

Natalie Portman looked nice in Rodarte, but not impressive, and certainly not as lovely as she did at the Globes and SAG Awards. I was a little bored by her flowy plum gown. I’m sure it is difficult to put a growing baby-bump-friendly red carpet look together, but I just loved her modern fertility goddess SAG look so much—I was expecting more on Oscar night.

Even her earrings—though perfectly matched—bored me.

So to back pedal: Portman comes at the end of this breakdown not because of a fashion fail, but because of a fashion underwhelming compared to previous awards outings over the past few weeks. I do really like plum though, I’ll give her that.

Plus: did Portman and Kunis coordinate to wear different shades of purple? Black Swan sisterhood? Ponderous.


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Things to Know: Whip My Hair Skating Girl, Oscar Nominations, Etc.

And we’re back with a list of thing you should know. Some are old, some are new. All are good to ponder.

  1. First up, if you have not seen the video of 9-year-old Starr Andrews figure skating a routine to Willow Smith’s “Whip My Hair,” then you need to remedy this failure immediately. I kept forgetting to post it after a friend illuminated my life with the link, but finally… let’s all take a moment to note this—or revisit it, whatever the case may be. So much joy.  First, let us note that this is yet another example of a child shaming the rest of us regarding superior accomplishments at age nine. This is particularly upsetting because the 16-year-olds at the Olympics are devastating enough. Next, reflect on those amazing skates made out of (or to look like—whatever) Chucks. Then we can all take a moment to ponder Willow Smith and the ‘Will Smith-Jada Pinkett-Smith Child Star Manufacturing Machine.’ Because it’s too funny. Her Wikipedia page has sections entitled Acting Career, Music Career, Awards and Nominations. She’s like 11 or something. Starr Andrews does not appear to have a Wikipedia page yet, but really, she should. Let’s be honest.
  2. Secondly, as the implied follow-up to my announcement that Razzie nominations were up earlier this week, you should all be aware that the Oscar nominations (known by stuffy people as the Academy Awards) are also up. Another year in which instead of having 5 must-see movies, there are 10. Dear Academy, I don’t have all the time in the world, just most of it. Anyways, I am now in the process of catching up on the Best Picture nominees that I have yet to see. I saw The Fighter last week and in-between giggling about Massachusetts accents—always hilarious—the main thing I took away from the film is that Christian Bale may have gone a little too method and may actually be on drugs. His face was so genuinely terrifying that it is hard to believe he also starred in Newsies many moons ago. Next up on my list? The Kings Speech, where Helena Bonham Carter (I would believe) plays a fairly normal character for a change.
  3. If you missed the State of the Union address, you should probably find it online somewhere. I missed the first 15 minutes or so, but you know, I think it’s important to watch. Also I love listening to Obama speak all the time. I just do. I also really enjoy watching the faces Joe Biden makes whilst listening behind the President. Also, John Boehner’s expressions throughout the whole thing were priceless. Good thing he is not a diplomat because he does not have a very good poker face. I was also distracted by the fact that John Kerry and John McCain were sitting next to each other, the whiteness of Biden’s teeth and the fake tan-ness of Boehner’s face.
  4. Lastly, I just got me some Daria episodes from Netflix and just for everyone’s general information I have to say that Daria is still pretty entertaining in a lethargic kind of way. Next I will have to revisit My So-Called Life, after which I can go on to assess recent award-winning work by Claire Danes.

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The Oscars & A Chance to be Snarky

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List style, go.

Red carpet & fashion things: We decided to play David’s “crazy, crazy, hot” game.


  • Charlize Theron, what happened? What were you wearing? Were you afraid that people would think you were androgynous if you didn’t accentuate yourself with swirly boob ornaments?
  • Sarah Jessica Parker: OK, so you said your dress is Chanel couture. That does not automatically make it flattering.. unfortunately. Sorry.
  • Zoe Saldana made the best dressed of the evening according to Hilary Alexanders recap for the Telegraph. I disagree; that was a lot of unnecessary ruching in too many shades. On the other hand, my life did become illuminated when I was informed that Saldana is not only a fierce Na’vi, but–hello— she is the fiercest ballerina from Center Stage! I had no idea, and it brings me joy.
    reuters/ telegraph.co.uk
  • Miley Cyrus was obviously attempting to look 35, and one can only wonder why. And then on the red carpet with E!, her mother did a little tattoo exposé. Oy.
  • Meanwhile George Clooney, who we love, was sporting a bona fide homeless man haircut. I noted this and someone exclaimed, “It’s for a movie he’s doing, OK?” Well, I hope it for the movie he is doing in which he plays a homeless man, because that is what he looks like. Or my Dad.
  • Molly Ringwald managed to make Matthew Broderick look like he was aging gracefully. She looks a lot better with wavy hair– sorry Molly, yikes. Someone here queried, “Is that a wig?” Maybe.
  • You might be wondering, who did she like? Well, the first gown that caught my eye was Elizabeth Banks who looked absolutely delightful. Plus she had a bejeweled headband.
  • Amanda Seyfried looks so pretty when she is not looking dumb as hell in Mean Girls, which I have revisited during my recent bout of strep throat. We’re planning a movie marathon of the original Parent Trap, the Lindsey Lohan Parent Trap and then Mean Girls. It might be one of the best ideas you have ever heard.


  • Other sartorial winners? Anna Kendrick, of whom David said, “I wish you had a chance [in the best supporting actress category],” Rachel McAdams, Queen Latifah, Penelope Cruz, Demi Moore, and the ever fantastic Kate Winslet. Let’s take this opportunity to reflect on how happy we were for Ms. Winslet when she won last year for The Reader. So deserving, so happy, so classy. This year she said, “It’s nice to watch everybody else panic!”
  • Kristen Stewart of course was looking typically pained by her life, prompting Brigitte to exclaim, “Oh my GOD, you’re famous. Deal with it. Smile.” Honestly, if you didn’t think that doing the Twilight movies was going to make you insanely famous and fodder for every teen magazine ever, then you are a raving idiot.


  • Gabourney Sidibe had a lovely chat with Ryan Seacrest in which she demanded that the camera be sure to get a full-length view of her dress and then she bantered: “If this was porn, that was the money shot!” I love banter. Banter!
  • Meryl Streep was ever unimpressed by the red carpet experience–fair enough– and revealed her favorite thing about awards shows, “I like seeing my friends all cleaned up,” insinuating that she is generally fairly unimpressed by the state of her compatriots, ahahaa.

Ceremony Things: During which we learned that Brigitte really will cry at the drop of a hat, it wasn’t just the Olympics.

  • examiner.com

    Neil Patrick Harris opened the show singing and dancing in a sequined tuxedo jacket. It was marvelous. As he appeared on stage he said, “I know! What am I doing here? … Can’t talk about botox without all of you!”

  • Steve Martin teased Meryl Streep about being the most nominated actress over the course of her career, saying that he likes to think of her as the actress with the “most losses.”
  • Martin also referred to Helen Mirren as “that damn Helen Mirren,” prompting Alec Baldwin to correct him, “it’s Dame Helen Mirren.”
  • After they played his clip for best actor in a supporting role, Stanley Tucci rolled his eyes and appeared to say, “awful.”
  • Mo’Nique thanked Hattie McDaniels for “enduring all that she had to, so that I wouldn’t have to,” which reminds me that I have not watched Gone with the Wind in a while.
  • Tina Fey and Robert Downey, Jr. presented awards for writers, whom Downey referred to as “sickly little mole people,” and Fey scolded, “Just say what we type!”
  • During hosterly banter, Alec Baldwin said, “I don’t think the plural of ‘whore’ is ‘whorses’…”
  • The moment they started the “in memorandum” section with “There Are Places I Remember,” Brigitte/Shaun White started to tear up. “Stop it! What is wrong with me!?”
  • I also revealed that as a child, “I used to want to keep a dolphin in the bathtub,” which for some reason people thought was really hilarious and not serious at all. The jumping off point was the documentary clip for The Cove; and by the way– just so you know– Fisher Stevens played the creepy psychiatrist who dated Phoebe on Friends.
  • Jeff Bridges opened his best actor acceptance speech with, “Wooooo!” And let me say, the producers let him talk forever.
  • Stanley Tucci admitted the obvious when he said that “the two movies we [he and Meryl Streep] did together were the highlight of my career.”
  • cbsnews.com

    When Sandra Bullock won best actress (first time for a Razzie winner to take the Oscar) she joked, “Did I really earn this? Or did I just wear y’all down?” Other choice moments: “George Clooney threw me in a pool years ago; I’m still holding a grudge!” and “My lover Meryl Streep… thank you!”

  • When Kathryn Bigelow became the first female director to win an Oscar Babs starting to cry, Kathleen said, “Change has come to America,” and Bobby tweeted, “The Orchestra is playing “I Am Woman.” 3/7/10 = the death of subtlety.” Kathleen followed up with, “I love that she beat her ex-husband!” And she did it for both director and best picture.
  • On that note, Steve Martin closed with, “The show is so long that Avatar now takes place in the past.”

Advertisements: Upsetting Things

  • What was the deal with that cervical cancer commercial presented like a glam perfume ad? It ran during the majority of  breaks. Not only is it weird, but it is fairly insulting and demeaning. I am sorry, but I am well aware of the whole cervical cancer situation. Using some ‘shock-me, shock-me, shock-me’ advertising ploy to snag my attention is ridiculous. Thanks, me and my cervix do not need a faux-Chanel ad to be made aware of our risks. And we also do not appreciate being trivialized by your supposedly snappy advertising effort.
  • And then there was the Whoopi Goldberg commercial for Poise. As much as my living room was a little horrified, it was hilarious. It just was. It was a little on the long side, but I just love me some Whoopi. She was not on The View much of this week and I was so sad, I missed her. I missed her comments like, “There’s nothing better than an inflatable beaver,” and “You know it’s cold where you are when all you can do is push a rock and make a game of it” (yeah curling).

And that’s that.


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I Didn’t Know Shaun White Would Be At My Oscars Party

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Moments after I finished writing about Shaun White yesterday, I came across my friend Brigitte’s Facebook status: “Someone legit thought that I was Shaun White and that they were having an Olympic celeb sighting.”


This couldn’t have happened before I published my last blog post?! Really, cosmos? Really!?!

I was really excited to have a celebrity over for the evening’s festivities.

So here we have the  real Shaun White rocking his Rolling Stone cover pants at the Vanity Fair party.

Now at the time, we did not have this delightful image to work from, but we did have the experience of having seen White play both air guitar and actual guitar, so we worked from that for our personal White-look-alike photo shoot.

Let’s not lie about how eerie the back view is. Too bad that guy on the street did not see Brigitte from behind, but definitely face-on. Ahaha. Hah.

So we went onto an air guitar pose.

White does wear a lot of plaid shirts and skinny jeans. And Brigitte does also sport a leather jacket much of the time. Maybe they can hang out, she can be his double for evading crowds. All she has to do is learn how to snowboard like a demon.

There is definitely a future there.

@JohannaAP25 ladies and gentlemen, shaun white is here with us. what a privilege.

@JohannaAP25 Dear interpretive dance at the Oscars… my own personal Shaun White is also dancing. #Oscars

@BazeCraze Ladies and Gentlemen, the Bathroom Break dancers!

@BobbyKnndy @JohannaAP25 Who is your own personal Shaun White? David Siewers?

@JohannaAP25 @BobbyKnndy My red-haired friend Brigitte. Someone stopped her on the street today & shouted, “It’s Shaun White.” I’ll be blogging later.

Oh hey look– I did.


Quote of the evening came from Randy David: “[Brigitte], no one wants to see your snowboard!”


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