Tag Archives: Robert Downey Jr.

Golden Globes Round-up 2012: Who Loved Ricky Gervais’s Maroon Tux…

List style. Blam! Go.

Top Moments in [Roughly] Chronological Order (because why should I have to further organize my notes?)

  • abc.com

    Jodie Foster gamely thumbs-upped Ricky Gervais’s Beaver commentary at the opening monologue (and also her children look exactly like her).

  • Ricky Gervais to Johnny Depp, after introducing him, says he has one question for Johnny… Are you ready? “Have you seen The Tourist yet?” “Ahh, no… Oh boy, he’s fun,” as Ricky walks off stage.
  • Christopher Plummer. Period. I still get excited about Christopher Plummer on merit of my intense love for The Sound of Music, but I swear, I am going to see The Beginners. I promise.
  • Kelsey Grammer could not possibly have been more blasé about his win for Boss: “Ah, well, this is very nice.” Yes, Kelsey, generally, one would say it is rather nice. Some people even choke up a bit (I mean, true, let’s not be over-indulgent), but… yes, it is very nice for you. Also, yes, announcer, we all remember Frasier. For the record we also remember and miss Seinfeld and Friends, back when NBC was “Must See” and not just the sad third-rated network… or whatever it is these days. Maybe it no longer even has a ranking (I cry bitter tear for you, NBC).
  • nymag.com

    Tina Fey’s photo bomb on Amy Poehler’s nominee shot. #golden

  • Ludovic Bource’s acceptance speech for Best Score (The Artist) opened with the hilarious apology: “I’m sorry I’m French,” and continued on to the admittance that if his acceptance was a piece of music/dance, “It would be a tap dance.” There should always be more tap dancing in life. Always.
  • Ricky Gervais introduced George Clooney as the “Cloonmeister General.” Clooney accepted the accolade with grace.
  • Felicity Huffman and William H.Macy sang their bit of presenter banter, and it was actually pretty magical. 
  • EOnline.com/Jason Merrit/ Getty Images

    The answer to your query as to whether or not Nicole Kidman could actually breathe even once whilst teetering in her gown is: No, no she could not breath. I assume she cut herself out of the columnar gown ASAP and put on a nice sensible muumuu post-haste.

  • Helen Mirren brought some humor to the Sidney Poitier presentation Morgan Freeman’s shiny new Cecil B. DeMille award. I just wanted Freeman and Poitier to hug it out.
  • I love a man in tails. When Robert Downey Jr. came out to present in a full white tie and tailed tux (which he flipped out as he settled in front of the microphone), someone in the audience simply could not hold it together and shouted, “Yeah!” Agreed.

    latimes.com

  • The only time  at which Leonardo DiCaprio abandoned his expression of utter confusion (aside from the look of exquisite non-amused-ness when he did not win in his category… again), was the smile that broke when Martin Scorsese won Best Director for Hugo. 
  • I wish the sound has not cut out when Ricky Gervais introduced Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek.
  • The second apology for being French came from Jean Dujardin of The Artist as he accepted the Globe for Best Actor in a Comedy/Musical: “I’m French too… It’s not my fault my eyebrows are independent.” And then he mimed his joy—which was kind of magical. Make sure you catch his dancing as the camera pans away from the stage. 
  • Colin Firth’s well-done swing back at Ricky as a form of Hollywood penance. 
  • Here’s a scenario: Meryl Streep wins yet another Golden Globe, managed to act surprised, bustles her way up to the stage, realizes that she’s forgotten her glasses and will have to actually remember her prepared comments rather than read them. In a team effort moment, her reading glasses get passed up from her table to the front of the stage, where George Clooney hand them to David Fincher, who absolutely cannot get his shit together and hand Meryl Streep her flipping reading glasses. Fincher proceeds  to sit there as she attempts to remember the other nominees’ names (someone shouts out “Rooney”), whilst George Clooney thinks to himself, “Why on GOD’S SWEET EARTH, did I not just walk the extra three steps and hand Meryl the glasses myself, Fincher is such a tool.” Meanwhile the rest of us wonder if Meryl Streep is leaving the Golden Globes up one trophy but down one pair of reading glasses. Fincher stole them.
  • huffingtonpost.com

    And in adorable moments of the night, we have the famous dog from The Artist who not only attended the Golden Globes (they really need to fill seats), but got to scamper up on stage as part of the accepting party when The Artist won Best Comedy/Musical. Thoughts after the win: “I am the famous Artist dog, Uggie, where is my treat? I’m adorable, but that doesn’t mean I am any less famished than any other dog at any given time.”

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83rd Year of Oscar Moments

I think we can all agree: the Oscars were more than a little boggling this year. The hosting team of James Franco and Anne Hathaway was oddly calibrated—to say the least. To say the most, they were awful and Billy Crystal should have just taken over half-way through when he came on stage to do that weird Bob Hope thing (which everyone could have done without, frankly).

Hathaway’s first moments onstage should have included the disclaimer: “I took uppers, he took downers! Isn’t it exciting?!”

Here is my disclaimer: I am not a Hathaway fan to begin with. Let that inform your reading as you will.

The opening montage was entertaining for very few reasons:

  1. It probably irritated Leonardo DiCaprio.
  2. Alec Bladwin had an Ambien juice-box.
  3. OK, the Social Network bit was pretty entertaining. Fine.
  4. Morgan Freeman subtly acknowledged that much of the world’s population wishes he would narrate their lives: “Alec likes me to narrate his dreams; says I have a soothing voice.”
  5. At the end, Morgan Freeman and Alec Baldwin both wondered who on earth Franco and Hathaway were.

That is five entertaining moments (and a couple horrifying ones such as the True Grit and Black Swan bits) in the part of the show that involves the most prep-work and was taped ahead of time.

You know what I miss? The Gilligan’s Island montage from 1998—the year of Titanic—when Billy Crystal was still hosting. He was entertaining. It starts here with the pre-taped montage and continues here on-stage with the Gilligan theme song parody, and then a When Harry Met Sally musical love moment found in As Good As It Gets sung to “Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off.” There’s even Hello Dolly redone for The Full Monty.

So good (also you get to see Gloria Stuart all crazy glammed up). That is how it is done.

I digress. Back to the present.

Sigh.

Little moments of note:

  • Franco’s grandmother informing the audience that she had just seen Marky-Mark was passable; Hathaway’s mother telling her to stand up straight was not.
  • Gone with the Wind tribute helmed by Tom Hanks, bolstered by an explanation of the ultimate Best Picture trifecta of Oscars, not won by a single film since Titanic, won for the first time by Gone with the Wind: Best Picture, Best Art Direction, Best Cinematography. I love Gone with the Wind, so I was on board for hearing some of the score and the Tara backdrop… but maybe it was unnecessary.
  • The four hundred hours it took Kirk Douglas to present Best Supporting Actress to Melissa Leo just has to be mentioned. It was arduous, it was a ridiculous and it was creepy. Kirk: please do not ever publicly lust over someone my age ever again. Anne: Do not ever “you-are-the-master”-bow to anyone in public ever again. Melissa Leo: Just because Natalie Portman said “asshole” at the SAG awards doesn’t mean you should drop the f-bomb to one-up her at the Oscars.

  • At least Leo’s faux pas created a diversion from the presenter-death that preceded and followed. We all know that Justin Timberlake is hilarious. Those of us who enjoy That 70s Show reruns while everyone else is at work know that Mila Kunis is pretty funny lady. Why was their banter the kiss of death? How was it possible? No one saw that coming.
  • Toy Story 3 wins for adapted screenplay? Adapted from what? The two preceding films? Mr. Potato Head? Cowboy make-believe play of the past 150-odd years? Theodore Roosevelt’s original Teddy Bear? What?
  • Blah, blah, Aaron Sorkin wouldn’t shut up and kept repeating names.

  • The seventy-something screenwriter for The King’s Speech, David Seidler, explained that, “My father always to me, I would be a late bloomer.”
  • What in the name of all that is holy was that musical number by Anne Hathaway. Stop talking, stop singing, leave Hugh Jackman alone, stop warbling about Wolverine.
  • Russel Brand “translating” Helen Mirren’s French introduction for the Best Foreign Film award, which included the supposed assertion that she played a queen way better than Colin Firth played a king. While Firth’s discomfited face was entertaining, all I could think was: Poor Dame Helen. This is what it has come to. I am sorry.

On to moments that deserve or just require full clips:

Remember that time Harry Potter movies—to the chagrin of the younger generations—do not win Oscars for awesomeness? Well, the ‘young and hip’ 83rd Oscars really hit the right note when they revealed an auto-tuned montage of ‘youthful’ movies with the most hilariously awkward scene in Deathly Hallows, Part I.

In re-reading that paragraph I am chagrined at the lack of a universally accepted sarcasm font for rants. You will just have to figure it out yourself.

And like, really, Twilight, really? Who was paid-off to have that embarrassment to humanity included in an already embarrassing montage. At least Deathly Hallows, Toy Story 2 and Social Network were nominated for things.

It did make me giggle. I will admit that. But it is not something I want to giggle at during the Oscars. On YouTube? Sure. Kodak Theater stage? No thank you. For the millionth time I ask: where is Billy Crystal?

Robert Downey, Jr. and Jude Law had one of the more lively presenter exchanges. You have to give them banter chemistry. It was laced with some mild ungainliness at the start, but overall one of the better duos. Unfortunately the clip cuts out before Downey informs the audience that Jude Law no longer has a ride to the after parties, in case anyone is interested.

Sandra Bullock was probably the best presenter of the night, calling out each of the nominees for Best Actor with solid pacing, humor and personality, including haranguing Jeff Bridges for having won last year and yet having the gall to be nominated again this year.

She sternly commanded Colin Firth’s attention—”Colin, Colin, right here”—resulting a typical move by Firth, my favorite little moment of the night: a bashful wave up to Bullock. This was soon followed by Firth’s admission that he was experiencing “some stirrings, somewhere in the upper abdominals, which are threatening to form themselves into dance moves, which as joyous as they may be for me, would be extremely problematic if they make it to my legs before I get off stage.”

But it all starts when we got to see Hathaway admit on air that people are definitely making a drinking game out of her hosting, as she introduces Bullock.

Colin Firth, you are fantastic. And I have enjoyed all of your acceptance speeches this season.

Natalie Portman gave her usual list of thank yous from previous appearances in past weeks, emphasizing thanks to her parents for teaching her to be a good person, etc. What I enjoyed about this one was her inclusion of the film people “who no one ever talks about, that are your heart and soul everyday;” she went on to thank her make-up and hair people, costume designers, dressers, camera operators, and first AD all by name. Classy touch.

And now, the moment that many a poorly programmed DVR lost: the “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” New York PS 22 Chorus finale with all the winners, and best of all a way too hyped up Anne Hathaway reflecting on how dreams really do come true, while James Franco is all like, whatever, I have no idea how I got here or why.

My favorite part is when Hathaway goes all cheerleader at the end and start high-fiving all the kids. I tweeted on their behalf:

***

P.S. For more Oscar recap laughs, head to the Tallulah Morehead Huffington Post rant.

P.P.S. For Academy Award fashion reflections, see my post from yesterday.

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Golden Globes: Speeches, Fashion, Audience Spy-Cam, & Why Was Ricky Gervais Hosting Again?

Well the Golden Globes—that drunken pre-game party to the Oscars—went down Sunday evening. What a joy. I missed much of the red carpet situation, but unluckily for me I did manage to catch Ricky Gervais’ opening monologue, leading me to wonder: how did he get asked back to host, and for heaven’s sake will it happen again next year?

Sure, his snippets were occasionally funny. Emphasis on the occasional aspect. Overall, that laughter you heard was nervous, horrified and embarrassed twittering. We all know that Charlie Sheen, Tom Cruise and Mel Gibson are crazy. Give it up. My main beef with his repertoire is not that it is too mean or harsh, but rather that a lot of what he said sounded tired, and indeed had already been touched upon at last year’s Golden Globes. Plus, thick skins aside: if no one in the room is laughing at a particular quip, then as a comedian you have a bit of a problem on your hands.

The really funny thing is that Gervais looks as though he knows he is bombing it, and just hoping for someone to pull him off-stage with a cane or umbrella handle, ending the whole affair.

Here’s an idea: Pay Tina Fey whatever she wants and have her do it. Everyone loves Tina and her continued loyalty to the writing side of things.

Moving on.

Here is my own personal award for the night: Cutest Golden Globes Moment goes to Kaley Cuoco presenting Jim Parsons with the Golden Globe for Best Actor in a TV Series, Comedy or Musical. It’s adorable because they are both on the show and she literally could not contain herself and was jumping up and down. Also they both have kind of funny voices.

GoldenGlobes.org

Spare us the adorbs moments you might say; where are the dresses?

Two words: Olivia Wilde. Two more words: best dress. Two more: sparkly and poufy.

Need I say more?

Note her shoes.

Most heinous dress of the night? Dear January Jones, first you host one of the worst Saturday Night Lives in recent memory (last winter), then you show up to the Golden Globes in this.

Has the good design of Mad Men had absolutely no effect on you?

GoldenGlobes.org

My favorite random audience footage moment of the night is a tie. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt vs. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.

Early-ish on in the proceedings the cameras inevitably panned towards the pair. Clearly they were drawn in by the extremely geometric shoulder pads on Jolie’s Golden Girls-esque gown (I did not approve of it at all, by the way). The first incident involved Jolie turning around and—I imagine—somewhat exasperatedly attending to the correcting of Mr. Pitt’s bow tie. I imagine the conversation going something like this:

Angelina: “I specifically got you a clip-on bow tie so that we could avoid having this scene in front of all our friends and haters.”

Etidbits.com

Brad: “Oh Angie, you’re so perfect, I figured I’d better just let you do it. Also I hate bow ties. They’re very constricting.”

The French word for bow tie is papillon. It also means butterfly. Maybe they were speaking French.

The second incident occurred during Robert DeNiro’s speech in acceptance of his Cecil B. DeMille Award. Jolie just whipped out the lip gloss, because sometimes you just need to fix your face. I do not recall have ever seen anyone do such a thing under the lens of the audience spy cameras. I found it entertaining.

Also entertaining were some of DeNiro’s reflections on his life’s work.

GoldenGlobes.org

Things like recognizing it is a good thing the Hollywood Foreign Press selected him for the lifetime achievement award before they had a chance to review Little Fockers.

 

True story.

Other parts of his speech reminded us that even someone like Robert DeNiro can be really awkward.

What else was awkward?

Natalie Portman & Jeff Bridges/GoldenGlobes.org

When Natalie Portman got up to accept her Globe for Best Actress (Black Swan: just saw it, still reeling—so is my sister) she gave a lovely little thank you to her grandmother for birthing her mother, and then to her mother and father who were there with her, for birthing her. Then she went on to thank fiancé Benjamin Millepied for continuing that journey of creation with her. OK, fine, sure. She’s having a baby, she’s happy and thankful, OK.

She goes on to point out who Millepied is by telling us that in the Black Swan scene where one of the male dancers agrees that he would not sleep with Portman’s character because she is so not seductive—that’s him! And, “he’s best actor, it’s not true—he totally wants to sleep with me!” Nervous, high-pitched laughter ensued from the lady and audience.

She also told presenter Jeff Bridges that she loved him.

Oh Natalie.

Johnny Depp /GoldenGlobes.org

Notable appearances in the accessories department? Transitions lenses. It would appear that many a celeb has in invested in clear-to-shaded lens technology for their glasses. It also appears that even the famed and fortuned suffer the same embarrassing side effects of Transitions as my parents: sometimes those high-tech lenses simply cannot tell if you are inside or outside, cloudy or sunny, or just under really bright lights. I am talking to you Robert Downey, Jr., Johnny Depp and Tim Allen. Yes I am.

(Sidenote: Ricky Gervais was right about one thing—what on earth does Tim Allen do anymore besides Toy Story?)

GoldenGlobes.org

And finally, Honorable Mention of the Night goes to Helena Bonham Carter for being just plain crazy but fabulous, even when she wears some of the things that she wears, whether it’s a Harry Potter premiere or the Golden Globes.

Again, you have to note the shoes.

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The Oscars & A Chance to be Snarky

[tweetmeme style=”compact” source=”JohannaAP25″]

List style, go.

Red carpet & fashion things: We decided to play David’s “crazy, crazy, hot” game.

USAToday.com

  • Charlize Theron, what happened? What were you wearing? Were you afraid that people would think you were androgynous if you didn’t accentuate yourself with swirly boob ornaments?
  • Sarah Jessica Parker: OK, so you said your dress is Chanel couture. That does not automatically make it flattering.. unfortunately. Sorry.
  • Zoe Saldana made the best dressed of the evening according to Hilary Alexanders recap for the Telegraph. I disagree; that was a lot of unnecessary ruching in too many shades. On the other hand, my life did become illuminated when I was informed that Saldana is not only a fierce Na’vi, but–hello— she is the fiercest ballerina from Center Stage! I had no idea, and it brings me joy.
    reuters/ telegraph.co.uk
  • Miley Cyrus was obviously attempting to look 35, and one can only wonder why. And then on the red carpet with E!, her mother did a little tattoo exposé. Oy.
  • Meanwhile George Clooney, who we love, was sporting a bona fide homeless man haircut. I noted this and someone exclaimed, “It’s for a movie he’s doing, OK?” Well, I hope it for the movie he is doing in which he plays a homeless man, because that is what he looks like. Or my Dad.
  • Molly Ringwald managed to make Matthew Broderick look like he was aging gracefully. She looks a lot better with wavy hair– sorry Molly, yikes. Someone here queried, “Is that a wig?” Maybe.
  • You might be wondering, who did she like? Well, the first gown that caught my eye was Elizabeth Banks who looked absolutely delightful. Plus she had a bejeweled headband.
    oscar.go.com
  • Amanda Seyfried looks so pretty when she is not looking dumb as hell in Mean Girls, which I have revisited during my recent bout of strep throat. We’re planning a movie marathon of the original Parent Trap, the Lindsey Lohan Parent Trap and then Mean Girls. It might be one of the best ideas you have ever heard.

    myfashionlife.com

  • Other sartorial winners? Anna Kendrick, of whom David said, “I wish you had a chance [in the best supporting actress category],” Rachel McAdams, Queen Latifah, Penelope Cruz, Demi Moore, and the ever fantastic Kate Winslet. Let’s take this opportunity to reflect on how happy we were for Ms. Winslet when she won last year for The Reader. So deserving, so happy, so classy. This year she said, “It’s nice to watch everybody else panic!”
  • Kristen Stewart of course was looking typically pained by her life, prompting Brigitte to exclaim, “Oh my GOD, you’re famous. Deal with it. Smile.” Honestly, if you didn’t think that doing the Twilight movies was going to make you insanely famous and fodder for every teen magazine ever, then you are a raving idiot.

    myfashionlife.com

  • Gabourney Sidibe had a lovely chat with Ryan Seacrest in which she demanded that the camera be sure to get a full-length view of her dress and then she bantered: “If this was porn, that was the money shot!” I love banter. Banter!
  • Meryl Streep was ever unimpressed by the red carpet experience–fair enough– and revealed her favorite thing about awards shows, “I like seeing my friends all cleaned up,” insinuating that she is generally fairly unimpressed by the state of her compatriots, ahahaa.

Ceremony Things: During which we learned that Brigitte really will cry at the drop of a hat, it wasn’t just the Olympics.

  • examiner.com

    Neil Patrick Harris opened the show singing and dancing in a sequined tuxedo jacket. It was marvelous. As he appeared on stage he said, “I know! What am I doing here? … Can’t talk about botox without all of you!”

  • Steve Martin teased Meryl Streep about being the most nominated actress over the course of her career, saying that he likes to think of her as the actress with the “most losses.”
  • Martin also referred to Helen Mirren as “that damn Helen Mirren,” prompting Alec Baldwin to correct him, “it’s Dame Helen Mirren.”
  • After they played his clip for best actor in a supporting role, Stanley Tucci rolled his eyes and appeared to say, “awful.”
  • Mo’Nique thanked Hattie McDaniels for “enduring all that she had to, so that I wouldn’t have to,” which reminds me that I have not watched Gone with the Wind in a while.
  • Tina Fey and Robert Downey, Jr. presented awards for writers, whom Downey referred to as “sickly little mole people,” and Fey scolded, “Just say what we type!”
  • During hosterly banter, Alec Baldwin said, “I don’t think the plural of ‘whore’ is ‘whorses’…”
  • The moment they started the “in memorandum” section with “There Are Places I Remember,” Brigitte/Shaun White started to tear up. “Stop it! What is wrong with me!?”
  • I also revealed that as a child, “I used to want to keep a dolphin in the bathtub,” which for some reason people thought was really hilarious and not serious at all. The jumping off point was the documentary clip for The Cove; and by the way– just so you know– Fisher Stevens played the creepy psychiatrist who dated Phoebe on Friends.
  • Jeff Bridges opened his best actor acceptance speech with, “Wooooo!” And let me say, the producers let him talk forever.
  • Stanley Tucci admitted the obvious when he said that “the two movies we [he and Meryl Streep] did together were the highlight of my career.”
  • cbsnews.com

    When Sandra Bullock won best actress (first time for a Razzie winner to take the Oscar) she joked, “Did I really earn this? Or did I just wear y’all down?” Other choice moments: “George Clooney threw me in a pool years ago; I’m still holding a grudge!” and “My lover Meryl Streep… thank you!”

  • When Kathryn Bigelow became the first female director to win an Oscar Babs starting to cry, Kathleen said, “Change has come to America,” and Bobby tweeted, “The Orchestra is playing “I Am Woman.” 3/7/10 = the death of subtlety.” Kathleen followed up with, “I love that she beat her ex-husband!” And she did it for both director and best picture.
  • On that note, Steve Martin closed with, “The show is so long that Avatar now takes place in the past.”

Advertisements: Upsetting Things

  • What was the deal with that cervical cancer commercial presented like a glam perfume ad? It ran during the majority of  breaks. Not only is it weird, but it is fairly insulting and demeaning. I am sorry, but I am well aware of the whole cervical cancer situation. Using some ‘shock-me, shock-me, shock-me’ advertising ploy to snag my attention is ridiculous. Thanks, me and my cervix do not need a faux-Chanel ad to be made aware of our risks. And we also do not appreciate being trivialized by your supposedly snappy advertising effort.
  • And then there was the Whoopi Goldberg commercial for Poise. As much as my living room was a little horrified, it was hilarious. It just was. It was a little on the long side, but I just love me some Whoopi. She was not on The View much of this week and I was so sad, I missed her. I missed her comments like, “There’s nothing better than an inflatable beaver,” and “You know it’s cold where you are when all you can do is push a rock and make a game of it” (yeah curling).

And that’s that.

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Mayhem at the “Globes”

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So for this one, I’m going to go with my favorite old school way of just writing a list of things that I enjoyed about the Golden Globes, which I really sort of hate calling “The Globes.” It just doesn’t work for me. You know what else doesn’t work for me? The tacky title formating this year that may or may not of have come right out of Power Point (yes Kathleen, I know how to use Power Point… it’s on my resumé, duh). On the other hand, as soon as the ceremony started I realized that the Golden Globes theme music is satisfyingly familiar. It was weird.

Red Carpet Things:

  • Mariah Carey is out of control and I thankfully did not suffer nightmares about her cleavage taking over the world last night, but it was a major fear of mine as I set off to bed. Like… really?! Are you kidding me with that dress? And was it just me, or did her head look freakishly small in comparison?
  • I think everyone made at least one comment on the bearded lumberjack look: George Clooney, John Hamm, and Jason Bateman for example. Oh, and by everyone, I mean me and Kathleen.
  • And while they have been enumerated elsewhere to death, the endless NBC jibes were pretty enjoyable, as was Tina Fey forecasting that she and the rest of 30 Rock would just be getting drunk that night, rather than winning anything.
  • Tracy Morgan wore a white tux jacket. That’s all.

Ceremony Things:

  • The second we got a view of the seating arrangements we all had to wonder, how did Julia Roberts end up getting to sit next to Paul McCartney, to be followed up with, how did she retain composure? It only got better when she got on stage and confronted the situation by noting that never had she received so many text messages.
  • After Ricky Gervais’ dig at McCartney fell flat, Sir Paul carried on by referring to himself as “that guy from Rockband.” I will never get tired of noting things related to Beatles Rockband. Like How The Onion’s A/V club named it one of the top ten games of the last decade (and the only one that I own). And to further digress: McCartney’s presence in general inspired a conversation regarding Beatles crushes and what bird Paul McCartney looks like. I said that he used to look like a sparrow, but the consensus is that he now looks like an owl. These things happen I suppose.
  • Neil Patrick Harris tweeted through the entire thing (car ride, seating arrangements, spoiler alerts…), including a picture of himself being terrified of Mickey Rourke… but really, can you blame him? Also pretty sure Rourke gave the envelope the “one eye” in order to read it when presenting. Pretty. Sure.
  • Among the many wastey faced celebrities, Maggie Gyllenhaal’s red-in-the-face attempt to keep a straight face during her plea for Haiti was particularly amusing to me. The general debauchery of the Golden Globes led to the conversation that established, “No I did not as a child note the open drunkenness at the Golden Globes.” Which is funny, because people are blatantly borderline out of control and Ricky Gervais started loosing aspects of his outfit early on, but really losing that black tie over the black shirt was a win-win situation.
  • Robert De Niro and Leonardo DiCaprio presented Martin Scorcese’s Cecil B. DeMille Award with much hilarity: “Marty eats, drinks and sleeps film. I hear that on the internet there are videos of Marty having sex with film. A hot reel of 35mm stock, black and white emulsion…ahhh… hard to pass up, eh Marty?” Amazing, followed by DiCaprio noting that now we know what everyone will be youtubing tonight. The Marty segment prompted “Where did Martin Scorcese get those hipster glasses?” “1943” And the title of my new up and coming biography: “The Original Hipster: The Martin Scorcese Story.”
  • “RT @kmwrather I’m glad they are playing that Ed Helms musical masterpiece for The Hangover So true, and really enough said. win. #goldenglobes”
  • Molly’s official reaction to the win after we had a shouting match and were calm enough to get down to official sound bite material: “I feel validated. They played the Tiger Song, they played the Tiger song. It was just funny. And Zach Galifianakis wasn’t there, which was sad, but I’m getting my 10 margaritas, so I feel validated.” As background, Molly bet a friend 10 margaritas that The Hangover would get an Oscar nomination, so she feels that things are on the right track. Also she likes to tell everyone that I hate the movie, I don’t hate it, I hate the way she makes me watch it every weekend. Just to clarify, I love the Ed Helms musical moment of joy.
  • Robert Downey, Jr. thanking his wife for telling him not to prepare anything to say because surely Matt Damon would win instead. Also his opening threat regarding what would happen if the producers played music over his speechness. So Beatrice’s favorite gets validation. I wonder if she reads this nonsense…
  • Remember that time Kate Winslet won last year and I just love love love love her? She was super classy last night. I just wanted to note my love. I can’t wait to relieve last years Oscars regarding her win for my three devoted readers when the time comes for such things. I might have to do a video of me gushing.
  • We decided that we enjoy “real deal” style couples like Tom Hanks & Rita Wilson, Kevin Bacon & Kyra Sedgwick and I enjoy Calista Flockhart and Harrison Ford, but maybe no one else does.
  • Speaking of Harrison Ford, my life was personally illuminated by his hilariously enthusiastic reaction to Sandra Bullock acceptance speech when she told her family to “put down the Maker’s Mark and go to bed.” Amazing.

Totally Random Things:

  • We had two appearances by women who have musical numbers dedicated to them in musicals: Jodie Foster (Assassins) and Meryl Streep, aka T-Bone? What? (Fame). I wish I had a musical number about me, maybe I can get a moment in the up and coming Waiting for Walsh. (Ignore this awful grammar, just ignore the punctuation and move on with your life. At least I’m not Dan Brown or his editor. Really.
  • We just managed to catch a shot of Amy Poehler (on whom I have a raging lady crush) during a commercial break making an excellent face and doing sarcastic air quotes, which according to Kathleen was very à la Johanna… I have to agree. I will cherish the televised memory of that moment until I forget. Because it was amazing, an actually, so was her on-stage fake banter for whatever she presented, with whomever she was bantering. Banter!

This is pretty long, so I think we’re done, but don’t worry, you’ll get to hear about my late night comedy drama nightmare soon enough. Plus, Kathleen might contribute a celebrity post consisting of a review of Dominos new recipe… wah wah wahhhhh.

PLUS: Are you getting ready for the Olympics? You should be. Gonna turn this apartment into Olympics central. Oh yeah.

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