First of all, I loved the musical NBC Super Bowl promo involving basically all of NBC singing and dancing to “Brotherhood of Man” from How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. It kind of made my day. Also, having been told by a reader of Bossy Pants that Tina Fey is a fan of musicals; and being myself a lover of musical theater, and also of that one episode of 30 Rock in which Jack Donaghy must work his way back up the corporate ladder from the mail room How to Succeed-style—well, it just brought me that much more joy (as, I hope, as dissecting that run-on sentence brought you).
The epic two-parter Volkswagen spot featuring the overweight dog getting into shape so that he can chase VW’s latest updated Beetle that segued into the Stars Wars cantina where patrons declare that the dog is way funnier than the Vader kid, so Darth Vader chokes one of them.
Which may or may not have reminded you of that Adidas Star Wars commercial from the 2010 World Cup. Things I was not particularly into included David Beckham’s H&M underwear ad, it did not seem fitting. Not as fitting as the Adidas masterpiece of yesteryear.
I was also entertained by the usually-reserved-for-Christmas Coca-Cola polar bears watching the Super Bowl series of spots.
I enjoyed the Drew Brees Chase commercial, largely because I enjoyed when his small child picked pieces of confetti out of the air after the Saints won the Super Bowl.
Now obviously, you are supposed to kind of hate the Ferris Bueller Honda spoof… but it’s hard to not kind of love it also.
I hated the John Stamos Oikos commercial, but I loved that it made me think about when Uncle Jesse tells the story of how he changed his name as a child, but you know that his original name had something to do with having really hot feet.
I was disappointed by every single beer commercial, and this one just made me so sad for the poor dog.
Sometimes I wonder when the Betty White exploitation train is going to end.
I do enjoy the entire world’s agreement that Jay Leno is a life ruiner.
And then my mother completely shocked us all by recognizing Brian Urlacher in the Samsung Galaxy Note musical “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” spot, which also happened to be hilarious.
Waiting in epic lines for a new iPhone is such a waste of life.
And then there was the second—albeit stretched—30 Rock-related commercial. You may recall the Alec Baldwin airplane incident in which the actor caused mayhem by refusing to turn off his cell phone prior to takeoff. Shortly afterwards, Tina Fey appeared on a late night talk show and joked that she and Alec had been in the middle of an intense game of Words With Friends, and that it was all her fault. This is your context for why I finally giggled towards the end of the Best Buy commercial featuring various inventors of crucial elements in our digital world… like the creators of Words With Friends being told to turn their phones off on a plane.
It’s not a huge winner, but I enjoyed the Words With Friends bit.
On an unsuccessful quest for the new limited edition Schweddy Balls Ben & Jerry’s pint, I discovered this magic.
Yes, this exists and it is delicious.
Also, this exists, and I am a little afraid of it.
I cannot imagine it cannot be better than the Stephen Colbert themed AmeriCone Dream, but that’s just me and my opinion. Have you seen that tragic new Jimmy Fallon Capital One commercial?
Sidebar: all the people who apparently take moral issue with ‘Schweddy Balls’ are just going to have to accept the fact that 1990s Saturday Night Live skits have officially become classics.
As Baldwin said in his sixteenth host monologue for Saturday Night Live on this weekend’s season premiere: If you have a problem with ‘Schweddy Balls,’ then “Ben and Jerry’s has a new ice cream flavor just for you. It’s called ‘Go Fudge Yourself.'”
Tina Fey’s pregnancy is really messing up my television viewing.
At any rate, last week a sidenote to a Gawker post brought my attention to this video of Alec Baldwin performing South Pacific in concert at Carnegie Hall in 2005.
I particularly enjoy when Baldwin loses his spot in the script, leaving Reba to sass him until the appropriate page is located.
I think we can all agree: the Oscars were more than a little boggling this year. The hosting team of James Franco and Anne Hathaway was oddly calibrated—to say the least. To say the most, they were awful and Billy Crystal should have just taken over half-way through when he came on stage to do that weird Bob Hope thing (which everyone could have done without, frankly).
Hathaway’s first moments onstage should have included the disclaimer: “I took uppers, he took downers! Isn’t it exciting?!”
Here is my disclaimer: I am not a Hathaway fan to begin with. Let that inform your reading as you will.
The opening montage was entertaining for very few reasons:
It probably irritated Leonardo DiCaprio.
Alec Bladwin had an Ambien juice-box.
OK, the Social Network bit was pretty entertaining. Fine.
Morgan Freeman subtly acknowledged that much of the world’s population wishes he would narrate their lives: “Alec likes me to narrate his dreams; says I have a soothing voice.”
At the end, Morgan Freeman and Alec Baldwin both wondered who on earth Franco and Hathaway were.
That is five entertaining moments (and a couple horrifying ones such as the True Grit and Black Swan bits) in the part of the show that involves the most prep-work and was taped ahead of time.
You know what I miss? The Gilligan’s Island montage from 1998—the year of Titanic—when Billy Crystal was still hosting. He was entertaining. It starts here with the pre-taped montage and continues here on-stage with the Gilligan theme song parody, and then a When Harry Met Sally musical love moment found in As Good As It Gets sung to “Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off.” There’s even Hello Dolly redone for The Full Monty.
So good (also you get to see Gloria Stuart all crazy glammed up). That is how it is done.
I digress. Back to the present.
Sigh.
Little moments of note:
Franco’s grandmother informing the audience that she had just seen Marky-Mark was passable; Hathaway’s mother telling her to stand up straight was not.
Gone with the Wind tribute helmed by Tom Hanks, bolstered by an explanation of the ultimate Best Picture trifecta of Oscars, not won by a single film since Titanic, won for the first time by Gone with the Wind: Best Picture, Best Art Direction, Best Cinematography. I love Gone with the Wind, so I was on board for hearing some of the score and the Tara backdrop… but maybe it was unnecessary.
The four hundred hours it took Kirk Douglas to present Best Supporting Actress to Melissa Leo just has to be mentioned. It was arduous, it was a ridiculous and it was creepy. Kirk: please do not ever publicly lust over someone my age ever again. Anne: Do not ever “you-are-the-master”-bow to anyone in public ever again. Melissa Leo: Just because Natalie Portman said “asshole” at the SAG awards doesn’t mean you should drop the f-bomb to one-up her at the Oscars.
At least Leo’s faux pas created a diversion from the presenter-death that preceded and followed. We all know that Justin Timberlake is hilarious. Those of us who enjoy That 70s Show reruns while everyone else is at work know that Mila Kunis is pretty funny lady. Why was their banter the kiss of death? How was it possible? No one saw that coming.
Toy Story 3 wins for adapted screenplay? Adapted from what? The two preceding films? Mr. Potato Head? Cowboy make-believe play of the past 150-odd years? Theodore Roosevelt’s original Teddy Bear? What?
Blah, blah, Aaron Sorkin wouldn’t shut up and kept repeating names.
The seventy-something screenwriter for The King’s Speech, David Seidler, explained that, “My father always to me, I would be a late bloomer.”
What in the name of all that is holy was that musical number by Anne Hathaway. Stop talking, stop singing, leave Hugh Jackman alone, stop warbling about Wolverine.
Russel Brand “translating” Helen Mirren’s French introduction for the Best Foreign Film award, which included the supposed assertion that she played a queen way better than Colin Firth played a king. While Firth’s discomfited face was entertaining, all I could think was: Poor Dame Helen. This is what it has come to. I am sorry.
On to moments that deserve or just require full clips:
Remember that time Harry Potter movies—to the chagrin of the younger generations—do not win Oscars for awesomeness? Well, the ‘young and hip’ 83rd Oscars really hit the right note when they revealed an auto-tuned montage of ‘youthful’ movies with the most hilariously awkward scene in Deathly Hallows, Part I.
In re-reading that paragraph I am chagrined at the lack of a universally accepted sarcasm font for rants. You will just have to figure it out yourself.
And like, really, Twilight, really? Who was paid-off to have that embarrassment to humanity included in an already embarrassing montage. At least Deathly Hallows, Toy Story 2 and Social Network were nominated for things.
It did make me giggle. I will admit that. But it is not something I want to giggle at during the Oscars. On YouTube? Sure. Kodak Theater stage? No thank you. For the millionth time I ask: where is Billy Crystal?
Robert Downey, Jr. and Jude Law had one of the more lively presenter exchanges. You have to give them banter chemistry. It was laced with some mild ungainliness at the start, but overall one of the better duos. Unfortunately the clip cuts out before Downey informs the audience that Jude Law no longer has a ride to the after parties, in case anyone is interested.
Sandra Bullock was probably the best presenter of the night, calling out each of the nominees for Best Actor with solid pacing, humor and personality, including haranguing Jeff Bridges for having won last year and yet having the gall to be nominated again this year.
She sternly commanded Colin Firth’s attention—”Colin, Colin, right here”—resulting a typical move by Firth, my favorite little moment of the night: a bashful wave up to Bullock. This was soon followed by Firth’s admission that he was experiencing “some stirrings, somewhere in the upper abdominals, which are threatening to form themselves into dance moves, which as joyous as they may be for me, would be extremely problematic if they make it to my legs before I get off stage.”
But it all starts when we got to see Hathaway admit on air that people are definitely making a drinking game out of her hosting, as she introduces Bullock.
Colin Firth, you are fantastic. And I have enjoyed all of your acceptance speeches this season.
Natalie Portman gave her usual list of thank yous from previous appearances in past weeks, emphasizing thanks to her parents for teaching her to be a good person, etc. What I enjoyed about this one was her inclusion of the film people “who no one ever talks about, that are your heart and soul everyday;” she went on to thank her make-up and hair people, costume designers, dressers, camera operators, and first AD all by name. Classy touch.
And now, the moment that many a poorly programmed DVR lost: the “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” New York PS 22 Chorus finale with all the winners, and best of all a way too hyped up Anne Hathaway reflecting on how dreams really do come true, while James Franco is all like, whatever, I have no idea how I got here or why.
My favorite part is when Hathaway goes all cheerleader at the end and start high-fiving all the kids. I tweeted on their behalf:
Oh Geoffrey Rush, that was so cheesy (although true story, ‘SAG Awards’ does not have a great ring to it).
As spokesman for The King’s Speech cast, Rush opened his acceptance remarks with this pun-y observation. He went on to emphasize the category of the win: outstanding ensemble cast in a motion picture, extending the credit far beyond himself, Colin Firth and Helena Bonham Carter (who—look at that—was dressed quite conservatively for her track record). Very graciously, top to bottom, everyone from Freya Wilson who played young Queen Elizabeth to everyone’s favorite warlock, Michael Gambon were mentioned and credited.
fashion.telegraph.co.uk
Also, just so you are not disappointed by Carter’s normalcy in that group photo, have a gander at her red carpet pose.
What else?
When Firth went up to accept his “Actor” for leading role in The King’s Speech, it was brought to our attention that he was part of the winning ensemble cast of Shakespeare in Love. I had no idea Firth was even in that movie.
Modern Family’s best TV ensemble in a comedy series saved us from having to see Lea Michelle well up in what are surely fake tears again—so that was good. Plus Nolan Gould spent his journey up to the stage high-fiving people at tables along the way.
Nolan Gould/ imdb.com
Amy Poehler presented a description of her ideal sandwich, and then revealed that it could just as well describe the nominees for best actor in a comedy series. Then Alec Baldwin managed to stir up some surprise on his face as he got up for the fifth year in a row to accept his “Actor”for 30 Rock.
Next, Jon Hamm expressed his disappointment at having not been nominated for best female actor in a comedy series, before bitterly presenting the award to a flabbergasted Betty White for Hot in Cleveland, which I have never seen but maybe I should.
Betty White, Jon Hamm/ cbsnews.com
After about three years of instrumental vamping, White managed to get up to the stage where she joked about how long it took to “get the old broad up here” and that nobody had applauded her when she turned 40, after reflected on what a joy it was to still be in the biz and winning awards at 89 years old.
She also flirted with her naked statuette.
Natalie Portman/ blogs.timeslive.co.za
Later in the night Natalie Portman got to accept—for the second time in mere weeks—another trophy from Jeff Bridges for her performance in Black Swan. Not to be outdone by her awkward Golden Globes speech, this time Portman went for getting bleeped in a special thank you to her parents: ““I’d like to thank my parents, who taught me to work my hardest and never be an asshole.”
Maybe she is trying to get it all out of her system in public before the baby is born.
In his best actor acceptance, Colin Firth thanked security for letting him into the place, based on the fact that for years as a young British actor he would flash around his beloved Screen Actors Guild card in the vain hope that it would get him perks and ladies.
Claire Danes/ cbsnews.com
The award for only person to get cut off at the 2011 SAGs goes to Claire Danes who picked up another laurel for her work in Temple Grandin, blustering towards the end about her “favorite husband… euh… favorite actor… my husband…” Oh Claire.
Dicky Eklund, Christian Bale/ cbsnews.com
The award for most hilarious/ terrifying candid shot of the night goes to Christian Bale and Dicky Eklund (the guy Bale portrayed in The Fighter) onstage as Bale is accepting his “Actor” for best supporting.
Also, while I appreciate that Bale looks less like Jesus than he did at the Golden Globes, I am still a little disturbed by the facial hair situation.
Julianna Margolis, Carter/ cbsnews.com
Best photo for a false caption stars Julianna Margolis and Helena Bonham Carter, in which I imagine Carter is telling Margolis, “No, you just really have to go for it. Let it be free.” She is clearly talking about the shellac with which Margolis has restrained her hair and recommending the benefits of a more windswept look.
To tie things up, I was not swept away by anyone’s dress really, but I did like Mila Kunis’ red and pink floralness and Tina Fey’s sassy red situation. Let’s all pick it up a notch at the Oscars, OK?
Red carpet & fashion things: We decided to play David’s “crazy, crazy, hot” game.
USAToday.com
Charlize Theron, what happened? What were you wearing? Were you afraid that people would think you were androgynous if you didn’t accentuate yourself with swirly boob ornaments?
Sarah Jessica Parker: OK, so you said your dress is Chanel couture. That does not automatically make it flattering.. unfortunately. Sorry.
Zoe Saldana made the best dressed of the evening according to Hilary Alexanders recap for the Telegraph. I disagree; that was a lot of unnecessary ruching in too many shades. On the other hand, my life did become illuminated when I was informed that Saldana is not only a fierce Na’vi, but–hello— she is the fiercest ballerina from Center Stage! I had no idea, and it brings me joy.
reuters/ telegraph.co.uk
Miley Cyrus was obviously attempting to look 35, and one can only wonder why. And then on the red carpet with E!, her mother did a little tattoo exposé. Oy.
Meanwhile George Clooney, who we love, was sporting a bona fide homeless man haircut. I noted this and someone exclaimed, “It’s for a movie he’s doing, OK?” Well, I hope it for the movie he is doing in which he plays a homeless man, because that is what he looks like. Or my Dad.
Molly Ringwald managed to make Matthew Broderick look like he was aging gracefully. She looks a lot better with wavy hair– sorry Molly, yikes. Someone here queried, “Is that a wig?” Maybe.
You might be wondering, who did she like? Well, the first gown that caught my eye was Elizabeth Banks who looked absolutely delightful. Plus she had a bejeweled headband.
oscar.go.com
Amanda Seyfried looks so pretty when she is not looking dumb as hell in Mean Girls, which I have revisited during my recent bout of strep throat. We’re planning a movie marathon of the original Parent Trap, the Lindsey Lohan Parent Trap and then Mean Girls. It might be one of the best ideas you have ever heard.
myfashionlife.com
Other sartorial winners? Anna Kendrick, of whom David said, “I wish you had a chance [in the best supporting actress category],” Rachel McAdams, Queen Latifah, Penelope Cruz, Demi Moore, and the ever fantastic Kate Winslet. Let’s take this opportunity to reflect on how happy we were for Ms. Winslet when she won last year for The Reader. So deserving, so happy, so classy. This year she said, “It’s nice to watch everybody else panic!”
Kristen Stewart of course was looking typically pained by her life, prompting Brigitte to exclaim, “Oh my GOD, you’re famous. Deal with it. Smile.” Honestly, if you didn’t think that doing the Twilight movies was going to make you insanely famous and fodder for every teen magazine ever, then you are a raving idiot.
myfashionlife.com
Gabourney Sidibe had a lovely chat with Ryan Seacrest in which she demanded that the camera be sure to get a full-length view of her dress and then she bantered: “If this was porn, that was the money shot!” I love banter. Banter!
Meryl Streep was ever unimpressed by the red carpet experience–fair enough– and revealed her favorite thing about awards shows, “I like seeing my friends all cleaned up,” insinuating that she is generally fairly unimpressed by the state of her compatriots, ahahaa.
Ceremony Things: During which we learned that Brigitte really will cry at the drop of a hat, it wasn’t just the Olympics.
examiner.com
Neil Patrick Harris opened the show singing and dancing in a sequined tuxedo jacket. It was marvelous. As he appeared on stage he said, “I know! What am I doing here? … Can’t talk about botox without all of you!”
Steve Martin teased Meryl Streep about being the most nominated actress over the course of her career, saying that he likes to think of her as the actress with the “most losses.”
Martin also referred to Helen Mirren as “that damn Helen Mirren,” prompting Alec Baldwin to correct him, “it’s Dame Helen Mirren.”
After they played his clip for best actor in a supporting role, Stanley Tucci rolled his eyes and appeared to say, “awful.”
Mo’Nique thanked Hattie McDaniels for “enduring all that she had to, so that I wouldn’t have to,” which reminds me that I have not watched Gone with the Wind in a while.
Tina Fey and Robert Downey, Jr. presented awards for writers, whom Downey referred to as “sickly little mole people,” and Fey scolded, “Just say what we type!”
During hosterly banter, Alec Baldwin said, “I don’t think the plural of ‘whore’ is ‘whorses’…”
The moment they started the “in memorandum” section with “There Are Places I Remember,” Brigitte/Shaun White started to tear up. “Stop it! What is wrong with me!?”
I also revealed that as a child, “I used to want to keep a dolphin in the bathtub,” which for some reason people thought was really hilarious and not serious at all. The jumping off point was the documentary clip for The Cove; and by the way– just so you know– Fisher Stevens played the creepy psychiatrist who dated Phoebe on Friends.
Jeff Bridges opened his best actor acceptance speech with, “Wooooo!” And let me say, the producers let him talk forever.
Stanley Tucci admitted the obvious when he said that “the two movies we [he and Meryl Streep] did together were the highlight of my career.”
cbsnews.com
When Sandra Bullock won best actress (first time for a Razzie winner to take the Oscar) she joked, “Did I really earn this? Or did I just wear y’all down?” Other choice moments: “George Clooney threw me in a pool years ago; I’m still holding a grudge!” and “My lover Meryl Streep… thank you!”
When Kathryn Bigelow became the first female director to win an Oscar Babs starting to cry, Kathleen said, “Change has come to America,” and Bobby tweeted, “The Orchestra is playing “I Am Woman.” 3/7/10 = the death of subtlety.” Kathleen followed up with, “I love that she beat her ex-husband!” And she did it for both director and best picture.
On that note, Steve Martin closed with, “The show is so long that Avatar now takes place in the past.”
Advertisements: Upsetting Things
What was the deal with that cervical cancer commercial presented like a glam perfume ad? It ran during the majority of breaks. Not only is it weird, but it is fairly insulting and demeaning. I am sorry, but I am well aware of the whole cervical cancer situation. Using some ‘shock-me, shock-me, shock-me’ advertising ploy to snag my attention is ridiculous. Thanks, me and my cervix do not need a faux-Chanel ad to be made aware of our risks. And we also do not appreciate being trivialized by your supposedly snappy advertising effort.
And then there was the Whoopi Goldberg commercial for Poise. As much as my living room was a little horrified, it was hilarious. It just was. It was a little on the long side, but I just love me some Whoopi. She was not on The View much of this week and I was so sad, I missed her. I missed her comments like, “There’s nothing better than an inflatable beaver,” and “You know it’s cold where you are when all you can do is push a rock and make a game of it” (yeah curling).
Words to Bumble 
Super Bowl XLVI: The Commercials
First of all, I loved the musical NBC Super Bowl promo involving basically all of NBC singing and dancing to “Brotherhood of Man” from How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. It kind of made my day. Also, having been told by a reader of Bossy Pants that Tina Fey is a fan of musicals; and being myself a lover of musical theater, and also of that one episode of 30 Rock in which Jack Donaghy must work his way back up the corporate ladder from the mail room How to Succeed-style—well, it just brought me that much more joy (as, I hope, as dissecting that run-on sentence brought you).
The epic two-parter Volkswagen spot featuring the overweight dog getting into shape so that he can chase VW’s latest updated Beetle that segued into the Stars Wars cantina where patrons declare that the dog is way funnier than the Vader kid, so Darth Vader chokes one of them.
Which may or may not have reminded you of that Adidas Star Wars commercial from the 2010 World Cup. Things I was not particularly into included David Beckham’s H&M underwear ad, it did not seem fitting. Not as fitting as the Adidas masterpiece of yesteryear.
I was also entertained by the usually-reserved-for-Christmas Coca-Cola polar bears watching the Super Bowl series of spots.
I enjoyed the Drew Brees Chase commercial, largely because I enjoyed when his small child picked pieces of confetti out of the air after the Saints won the Super Bowl.
Now obviously, you are supposed to kind of hate the Ferris Bueller Honda spoof… but it’s hard to not kind of love it also.
I hated the John Stamos Oikos commercial, but I loved that it made me think about when Uncle Jesse tells the story of how he changed his name as a child, but you know that his original name had something to do with having really hot feet.
I was disappointed by every single beer commercial, and this one just made me so sad for the poor dog.
Sometimes I wonder when the Betty White exploitation train is going to end.
I do enjoy the entire world’s agreement that Jay Leno is a life ruiner.
And then my mother completely shocked us all by recognizing Brian Urlacher in the Samsung Galaxy Note musical “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” spot, which also happened to be hilarious.
Waiting in epic lines for a new iPhone is such a waste of life.
And then there was the second—albeit stretched—30 Rock-related commercial. You may recall the Alec Baldwin airplane incident in which the actor caused mayhem by refusing to turn off his cell phone prior to takeoff. Shortly afterwards, Tina Fey appeared on a late night talk show and joked that she and Alec had been in the middle of an intense game of Words With Friends, and that it was all her fault. This is your context for why I finally giggled towards the end of the Best Buy commercial featuring various inventors of crucial elements in our digital world… like the creators of Words With Friends being told to turn their phones off on a plane.
It’s not a huge winner, but I enjoyed the Words With Friends bit.
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Tagged as 30 Rock, advertising, Alec Baldwin, Betty White, Coca-Cola, David Beckham, Drew Brees, Honda, How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, John Stamos, lists, Matthew Broderick, NBC, Star Wars, Super Bowl, Tina Fey, Volkswagen