Tag Archives: Shaun White

Random Things Round-up: It’s Been A Week in London

Did you know that apparently the men’s basketball uniforms for Team USA are made out of recycled plastics water bottles somehow? Apolo Ohno was also surprised, in this video documenting his first trip into an Olympic gift shop. Spoiler: he puts on a biking unitard, but he can’t quite bring himself to try the tiny speedo situation.

By the way—be jealous—I have pins from the Barcelona and Albertville games. I have duplicates of a few, in case you want to make an offer.

Never mind, they’re priceless.

In regards to other winter Olympians, NBC is really cashing in on any cult of personality they can snag, including Shaun White who apparently does not excel at fencing, but just wanted to clarify, “I’m obviously not competing, I’m just enjoying everything.”  He does, however, think that Gabby Douglas is super inspiring, as established in a really clumsy non sequitur towards the end of Friday’s primetime coverage. He also vaguely remembers training on a trampoline as a child. So, there’s that.

Have you ever noticed how the news crew are always talking to the Dutch? It’s totally because a) they all speak perfect English and excel at life, and b) they’re easy to pick out, wearing all the orange. Also, in case you are planning a trip to future Olympics, know that Holland House has been the hit of every games since those last same-year Olympiads in 1992 (Barcelona and Albertville); this year, guests hoping to party Dutch-style apparently have to book tickets in advance online.

And, in case you were wondering what the Olympics are about, Stephen Colbert has the definitive answer: “Making little foreign girls cry.”

I mean, one thing at which the Russian lady gymnasts really dominate is expressing a sense of utter, devastating tragedy impending around every corner.

Viktoria Komova, I’m sorry Gabby Douglas made you cry.

Aliya Mustafina, your name makes me want to hiss “Mufasa,” all the time. I’m also sorry about that. Sort of.

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Filed under Commenting, Obscure Summer Sports

The Black Keys Were Howlin’ for Shaun White (or something)

Since Words to Bumble has been in a frenzy of obscure winter sports for the past week… well, why not keep it going with something new, ridiculous and only mildly related to winter, compliments of Shaun White—the snowboarder formerly known as the Flying Tomato—and The Black Keys.

The Black Keys’ music video for “Howlin’ for You” is presented like a theatrical trailer for something that pretty much only guys would want to go see.

Fair is fair.

At 0:23 White shows up in a sex scene which ends with his one awkward line: “That was amazing.”

It’s pretty funny.

You are welcome.

This came to me via a newly discovered UniversalSport.com blog that I wish I wrote: Mr. Universe.

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Filed under Commenting, General Hilarity, Really.

Shaun White Is Willing to Teach David Letterman’s Son to Skateboard

This is what I took away from Shaun White‘s recent appearance (10/29) on the Late Show with David Letterman.

He was promoting his latest video game. It’s for skateboarding. I know nothing about it. I just know that Shaun White is a better product than the Olsen twins—and they had that tied up for a really long time.

Shaun White and David Letterman on the Late Show/CBS.com

Anyway, White was his usual affable self on the show (probably a skills set stemming from having had a sponsor since he could walk or some such thing), encouraging people to give snowboarding at least three days if they are going to try it, telling Dave to just give his seven-year-old kid a helmet and let him loose, and getting stoked.

CBS.comLetterman opened by stating, “I watched the Olympics—how cool was that?”

Well, yeah, we know.

Yadda, yadda, yadda, news from months and months ago and then down to it:

“I just tell everyone: give it three days, you know and really commit to it. And if it’s not your thing, then you know, walk away. But you don’t have to do what I’m doing to have a good time.”

Letterman senses free lessons.

“But now wait a minute so you’re saying, if when we finally get some snow and I get a guy like you or somebody to teach me how to snowboard, it’ll take three days?”

“Ahh, I would say at least give it three days… you know, you gotta give it a couple days.”

It turns out that Letterman senior and junior and have been alpine skiing for a two seasons now and Dave is considering the switch because, “the people that I’ve talk to that have switched to snowboarding say they’re never looking back. That it’s so much more fun than alpine skiing—and why is that?”

“There’s something about it, there’s kind of like a flow to the sport.”

On the other hand, “You know when you’re a beginning skier like me there’s nothing scarier than that sound of a snowboard sliding on ice behind you, and you’re just waiting to have your pelvis shattered!”

There are few things as cringe-worthy as the phrase ‘shattered pelvis.’

They moved on to White’s third board-related activity: surfing.

“You know, every time I see one of these surfing documentaries—and by God I’ve seen them all—everybody talks about the stoke.”

“The stoke,” repeated White, nodding wisely.

“Yeah. And I wanna be stoked.”

“I could see that, I could see that,” stroking his chin as Letterman continues to rile himself up.

“But you know what I’m talking about? I think there’s something missing in my life. I’m 63—I don’t think I’ve ever been stoked!”

Despite all this curiosity about being stoked, however, Letterman remains reluctant to set his kid loose on a skateboard.

“Aw, just give him a helmet and let him go.”

“Will you come up to the house?”

“I’ll come help you out.”

“Alright.”

“Least I could do.”

“So you’ll come up to the house.”

“I would love to.”

“I’m talking about tonight.”

Wah, wah, waaaaah. White did not seem too confident about that timeline, but in my dream world, Harry Letterman got a skateboarding lesson from Shaun White just in time for terrorizing people on Halloween.

***

Postscript: Amar’e Stoudemire’s Top Ten (reasons he is excited to play for the New York Knicks) was pretty amazing.

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Filed under Commenting, Ponderings, Television, [Obscure] Winter Sports

I Didn’t Know Shaun White Would Be At My Oscars Party

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Moments after I finished writing about Shaun White yesterday, I came across my friend Brigitte’s Facebook status: “Someone legit thought that I was Shaun White and that they were having an Olympic celeb sighting.”

nypost.com

This couldn’t have happened before I published my last blog post?! Really, cosmos? Really!?!

I was really excited to have a celebrity over for the evening’s festivities.

So here we have the  real Shaun White rocking his Rolling Stone cover pants at the Vanity Fair party.

Now at the time, we did not have this delightful image to work from, but we did have the experience of having seen White play both air guitar and actual guitar, so we worked from that for our personal White-look-alike photo shoot.

Let’s not lie about how eerie the back view is. Too bad that guy on the street did not see Brigitte from behind, but definitely face-on. Ahaha. Hah.

So we went onto an air guitar pose.

White does wear a lot of plaid shirts and skinny jeans. And Brigitte does also sport a leather jacket much of the time. Maybe they can hang out, she can be his double for evading crowds. All she has to do is learn how to snowboard like a demon.

There is definitely a future there.

@JohannaAP25 ladies and gentlemen, shaun white is here with us. what a privilege.

@JohannaAP25 Dear interpretive dance at the Oscars… my own personal Shaun White is also dancing. #Oscars

@BazeCraze Ladies and Gentlemen, the Bathroom Break dancers!

@BobbyKnndy @JohannaAP25 Who is your own personal Shaun White? David Siewers?

@JohannaAP25 @BobbyKnndy My red-haired friend Brigitte. Someone stopped her on the street today & shouted, “It’s Shaun White.” I’ll be blogging later.

Oh hey look– I did.

****

Quote of the evening came from Randy David: “[Brigitte], no one wants to see your snowboard!”

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Shaun White Dreamed It All

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Shaun White appears to be the most laid back Olympian the world has ever seen. He also makes no bones about the fact that yeah, I dreamed it would be this way and it is. I saw it all and then I made it happen. Just like that. It doesn’t even sound like he’s bragging, he’s just sayin’, just sayin’ how it is, and how it is how he dreamed it.

White obviously came into the games as more than the gold medal favorite. He might as well have already had the gold around his neck, people were just waiting to see what kind of a show the world would get in exchange for the Olympic hardware. In an interview with Jay Leno, White talked about his beacon-like hair and the impossibility of hiding, giving his hair a sassy flip (by the way, if he sold hair products I would probably buy them–if my hair had that kind of body, let me tell you…). He recounted stories of fans from all corners of the world stopping him in Vancouver, “people from Norway would be like, ‘You’re the one to beat, right?'”

Imagine that he is affecting a Nordic accent.

Asked about his second gold medal Olympic experience, White said that it was like “being able to relive the wildest experience of your life all over again… right down to the face mask I was wearing” (which, PS, is kind of weird and bandit-like).

Of course the question that every interviewer has for Shaun is about that second trip down the pipe– the one that he didn’t really have to take since the gold medal was already sewn up by his first score. Again, the phrase, “just like I dreamed it” makes its appearance right before statements like, “I’d always pictured this moment” of having that victory lap and wanting to do something outstanding, “and I just thought it was time to lay it down.”

We all know what followed.

“I’m the only one to be doing it. I’m proud it say it’s my best trick.”

White showed the world his super secret double McTwist 1260, ” [his] best friend and worst enemy” for the most astounding of victory laps. Chris Collinsworth named the moment his fourth favorite of the games, exclaiming that it was “a little bit like going to an NBA slam dunk contest… it was outrageous!”

What else did Shaun White dream? He dreamed of his second Rolling Stone cover, of course: “To be honest, I had dreamed that … What  would I do this time?” So he has channeled his inner Jimi Hendrix.  He lit his snowboard on fire (instead of his guitar) and just went crazy– “it was bizarre.”

Yeah, a little.

Speaking of guitar… remember that time he air guitared to the “Star-Spangled Banner” at his medal ceremony? George Lopez brought it up during his late night interview with White, playing a clip and noting that some people had been upset.

“It was funny because I was caught in the moment… I think I got lost in the moment and was just feeling it.”

And then Lopez gave him a guitar and White played a few bars of the national anthem, saying “I dabble, I dabble,” regarding his musical prowess.

Lopez decided to close by simply stating, “You’re badass.”

White has also been the only person– to my knowledge– who has illuminated the design conceit behind the Vancouver 2010 medals. Apparently they were all cut from the one large picture, sort of like puzzle pieces that one could in theory fit together to recreate the whole. I have to say that this information really improves my reception of the Vancouver medals which are otherwise fairly unaesthetic.

Other revelatory news comes to us from White’s online video interview with Rolling Stone. It is obviously about his hair, and let’s face it that is some really nice luscious lady hair– it just is. And apparently that is just the way the hair goes: “I don’t really do much to it… the stylists [for shows he goes on] are always like ‘Ooooohh, look at that hair!’ I’m running this new product called ‘water,’ it’s right out of the tap… I don’t really do much to it, I just let it go.”

If I just let my hair go… it looks nothing like that. Or like ‘presentable’ even.

On the upside, based on the myriad of interviews that have touched on the hair, I know that I am not the only one who is jealous. Charmaine is too.

But back to snowboarding.

White says that he will for sure see his quadriennial  fans in Sochi. With a sport as new as snowboarding it’s hard to figure a timeline for White’s career: “I’m not sure [how long it is possible to keep doing this]… I’m gonna find out I guess.”

So to clarify, we’re going for a third Rolling Stone cover here folks, as long as things stay fun: “I always just imagined that I would stop competing when it wasn’t fun anymore… there’s no way I could do it unless I really wanted it.”

Start brainstorming for that third cover, OK? Great.

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Oh, and he has a Wheaties box too. No big deal.

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Comedy Takes on the Olympics: Saturday Night Live, Jimmy Fallon & David Letterman

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This past weekend, NBC had the foresight to know that they would have to slowly reintegrate regular entertainment programing into the blood stream of rabid Olympic viewers. They knew not to rush the matter and they respected our desire to focus on obscure winter sports for just a few more days.

First off, Bob Costas had Jimmy Fallon pay him a visit on Friday night. Not only did Fallon get caught up on his ‘thank you’ card writing, but Costas tried out his own comedy chops with a little fabulous faux keyboard playing. Here are a few gems from their encounter:

“Thank you men’s speed skating for leaving nothing to the imagination. We get it– it’s cold in there.”

“Thank you to biathlon for having athletes ski around with rifles on their backs. In America we love sports where players run around with guns– but we call it the NBA.”

“Thank you Apolo Ohno for winning an American record number of medals and for being to frozen water what Michael Phelps is to regular water. Oh no he didn’t! More like: Ohno, he did.

Bob wrote that one. Yes he did. Love Bob.

“Thank you one one-hundredth of a second for apparently being a huge crap load of time.”

He also thanked Bob Costas and Chris Collinsworth for dressing so dapperly. I second, as does GQ.

“Thank you Olympics for being the first televised event to top American Idol on the ratings in over six years.” I believe that major props go to Shaun White for that victory.

I especially feel this last one, because in case you didn’t know: I seriously judge the phenomenon that is American Idol.

It was delightful. We took our second step into the cold pool water that is regular programming the next evening with the return of Saturday Night Live instead of late night Olympic coverage. I was a little sad.

Jennifer Lopez was the host and musical guest, so of course the writers took advantage of her Latinaness and brought us a curling match aired by ESPN Classic featuring Team Paraguay helmed by Maria-Shakira Prinze, Jr. versus Helga Birkenstock on the Norwegian team. The lady product sponsor? Gyne-Lotrimin vaginal cream for those times when “you’ve got something fungal in your lady jungle.”

Oh writers.

There was also the expected foray into Telemundo-land in which Lopez and SNL’s Fred Armisen played anchors to Jenny Slate and Bill Hader as on-location correspondents in Vancouver. They were not happy: “I would say I am in hell, but it is far too cold for that.” The sketch expounded upon the high risks associated with these obscure winter sports: “All of the sports are very strange, why would you do this unless you want to kill yourself?”

“Why?! Why would you do this?!”

Upon watching a ski jump competitor take off Lopez and Armisen screamed, “Where did the land go?!” When Slate explained that for some reason flying off the end of a slippery slope  had been the athletes intent they shook their heads, “Oh thank goodness he is ok!”

Point. After all, it is shockingly counterintuitive stuff.

Their conclusion? “This is a madness that happens when a country has no beaches.”

Oh really? Well then explain me that Jamaican bobsled team? Ahaha– got you.

At any rate, I would like to take this opportunity to thank NBC for caring enough to ease me slowly out of my Olympic bubble. The Marriage Ref… not so great, but then again those closing ceremonies… not so great either. It was a toss-up.

This evening, I finally went ahead and changed the channel from NBC to explore the world away from the peacock. It was weird. David Letterman was there, and guess who was with him? Evan Lysacek presenting the Top Ten List: Thoughts Going Through Evan Lysacek’s Head While Going Through His Gold Medal Winning Routine.” A few of the better ones:

“Did I overdo it with the sequins?”

“Bendy-twirly-jumpy thing”

“Stop running promos for The Marriage Ref.”

“Wheeeeee!” To which Dave countered, “You’d be surprised how many times that thought goes through my mind just sitting right here.”

And the number one thought: “Holy crap, I’m dizzy.”

My main critique: There should have been a Dancing with the Stars reference, and we all know it.

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Colbert’s Vancouverage

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Let this serve as your reminder that this week will feature hysterical Olympic “Vancouverage” by Stephen Colbert. Obviously the show is hilarious as usual, but here’s the rub: the 11:30 time slot interferes with prime Olympic coverage on NBC. So as a PSA, I give you the Colbert Report rerun times: 2 am, 9:30 am, 1:30 pm and 7:30 pm, for your viewing pleasure. Me? I favor the 1:30 pm and then go right into the Ellen Show, provided that afternoon Olympic coverage beyond curling (which I can only watch so much of, having no idea whatsoever how it works) has started.

On a related note… I’m clearly an unemployed recent grad student and have a myriad of choices before my wide open days… ahem.

To inaugurate this first ‘Couv episode Colbert opens with, “You all just won a gold medal for stroking my ego.” And we’re off!

Favored quips about Canada, sure to be appreciated by ice-hole roommate Greg?

“Europe with normal toilets.”
“This being Canada, I will get up close and personal with a dead moose” (as foretold).
“Oh what a blinding white light! Looks like a Canadian took off his shirt.”
“What we call patriotism, they call loving Canada,” something he found out thanks to his English-to-English dictionary.
Lastly, regarding the various warm weather issues: “Here’s a fun fact about this riding: it doesn’t snow here.”

And last night’s guest? The ever entertaining Shaun White who, incidentally, rang the opening bell on Wall Street this morning where he brandished his Vancouver gold.

colbertnation.com

The two chatted about White’s awesome-yet-expected gold medal performance and his double mctwist 1260, which White gamely described as “very involved… just as tough to do as to say it,” an apt closer for his victory lap. Colbert’s version of a victory lap? “I would have just scooted down on my butt and gone, ‘medal please’!”

Sartorially, we discover that White is a fan of the Burton snowboarding gear sported by the US team. We also find out that Burton sponsored White at age seven, at which point some of us have to wonder what we’ve been doing with our lives all these years of not being sponsored by anyone or anything. Continuing on the note of sponsorship, White embraces the obvious joke about the correlation between himself and his current sponsor Red Bull: “How much of your hair is Red Bull?” “Ahh… contractually obligated to say 100 percent… I drink it, and it just grows!”

Ever the insightful journalist, Colbert then urges White to reflect on snowboarding versus figure skating as two sports scored by a panel of judges. Colbert wonders why the figure skaters indulge in that whole kiss and cry photo op pen and why snowboarders are not criers. White figures it has to do with sartorial issues at play: “I imagine they’re sitting there thinking ‘I wore this outfit and I still didn’t win!'”

And that’s why Shaun White is a trending topic in this blog.

Lastly, ever wonder why White has that private helicopter access only half-pipe, aside from the quest for mysteriousity? He can’t go to resorts and his friends don’t like to ride with him because kids are always following him taking video on their phones, looking only through the screen view whilst trying to ride down a mountain and “it’s just carnage behind me.”

Wouldn’t it be better to just watch Shaun White do what he does rather than film him on your iPhone right before face planting? Just a thought kids.

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