Tag Archives: David Letterman

Bill Cosby: Everybody’s Hero

You probably saw The New York Times article in praise of the illustrious career of Bill Cosby, “Mining Cosby’s Golden Past,” counting down a top five examples of his televised genius. You may or may not have gone the distance and actually watched the clips, but they made my day, so I just had to post them.

You know I just love Letterman.

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Hugh Jackman’s Son Just Wants to See the Frick Collection

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And who doesn’t, really?

During his recent appearance on the Late Show with David Letterman, Hugh Jackman reflected on the intellectual pursuits of his children who are apparently the least trouble in the world and utterly delightful. To illustrate his point, he revealed his 11-year-old son’s highlight of being New York: going to an art museum. Not just any art museum, but the Frick Collection of all places, where children under the age of 10 are not permitted entrance, because that would inhibit the serious art enthusiasts.

I love the Frick Collection. I have a card granting me access to their reference library. It is a wondrous place.

I do not know a single child (other than maybe my past self) who would have been bummed about the age restriction. How adorable is Hugh Jackman’s son?

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Illuminating My Life: Bill Burr on Letterman

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I am kind of an old man inside, and I really enjoy David Letterman.

Recently, comedian Bill Burr was featured as the end-of-show stand up fellow. It was life illuminated, as you may have inferred from the title of this post. I was so entirely amused, that here I am—days and days later—sharing the magic.

In short…

On reality tv: “You know, with shows where they stick like ten whores in a house, somebody tries to find a wife.”

On face lifts: “There’s no shirt for your face.”

On not drinking: “I remember every second of this year. It’s brutal, I don’t know what to do with myself. All my shirts are folded. The bed’s made. I’m sitting around waiting for Christmas.”

On ladies: “When I was a kid, I thought my dad was crazy. Then when I got older, I started dating and I realized, ehh… he’s making a lotta good points.”

On dogs: “I gotta work on my temper you know, it’s screwing up the dog. It is. We rescued a pit bull, which is basically like owning a teenage lion, you know. And I didn’t realize that dogs, like, they feed off your vibes. Like, if you’re chilling, they’re chilling, if you’re sleeping, theyre sleeping, but if you’re a psycho like me and you’re screaming at the ref on tv like ‘you gotta be kidding me!’ I didn’t realize the dog was in the corner like, ‘You gotta be kidding me…grrrr.'”

“Mentally the dog is walking through the tunnel at the Rose Bowl, like: This is what we play for! Somebody hit somebody!

Literally, Burr finished his dog bit, ten minutes passed, I’m chopping spinach, and suddenly I am cracking up, pissing myself just remembering the dog bit. 100% true (both my reaction, and his observations on dogs).

In long…

Also, who else is excited for Park and Recreation to be back?

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Shaun White Is Willing to Teach David Letterman’s Son to Skateboard

This is what I took away from Shaun White‘s recent appearance (10/29) on the Late Show with David Letterman.

He was promoting his latest video game. It’s for skateboarding. I know nothing about it. I just know that Shaun White is a better product than the Olsen twins—and they had that tied up for a really long time.

Shaun White and David Letterman on the Late Show/CBS.com

Anyway, White was his usual affable self on the show (probably a skills set stemming from having had a sponsor since he could walk or some such thing), encouraging people to give snowboarding at least three days if they are going to try it, telling Dave to just give his seven-year-old kid a helmet and let him loose, and getting stoked.

CBS.comLetterman opened by stating, “I watched the Olympics—how cool was that?”

Well, yeah, we know.

Yadda, yadda, yadda, news from months and months ago and then down to it:

“I just tell everyone: give it three days, you know and really commit to it. And if it’s not your thing, then you know, walk away. But you don’t have to do what I’m doing to have a good time.”

Letterman senses free lessons.

“But now wait a minute so you’re saying, if when we finally get some snow and I get a guy like you or somebody to teach me how to snowboard, it’ll take three days?”

“Ahh, I would say at least give it three days… you know, you gotta give it a couple days.”

It turns out that Letterman senior and junior and have been alpine skiing for a two seasons now and Dave is considering the switch because, “the people that I’ve talk to that have switched to snowboarding say they’re never looking back. That it’s so much more fun than alpine skiing—and why is that?”

“There’s something about it, there’s kind of like a flow to the sport.”

On the other hand, “You know when you’re a beginning skier like me there’s nothing scarier than that sound of a snowboard sliding on ice behind you, and you’re just waiting to have your pelvis shattered!”

There are few things as cringe-worthy as the phrase ‘shattered pelvis.’

They moved on to White’s third board-related activity: surfing.

“You know, every time I see one of these surfing documentaries—and by God I’ve seen them all—everybody talks about the stoke.”

“The stoke,” repeated White, nodding wisely.

“Yeah. And I wanna be stoked.”

“I could see that, I could see that,” stroking his chin as Letterman continues to rile himself up.

“But you know what I’m talking about? I think there’s something missing in my life. I’m 63—I don’t think I’ve ever been stoked!”

Despite all this curiosity about being stoked, however, Letterman remains reluctant to set his kid loose on a skateboard.

“Aw, just give him a helmet and let him go.”

“Will you come up to the house?”

“I’ll come help you out.”

“Alright.”

“Least I could do.”

“So you’ll come up to the house.”

“I would love to.”

“I’m talking about tonight.”

Wah, wah, waaaaah. White did not seem too confident about that timeline, but in my dream world, Harry Letterman got a skateboarding lesson from Shaun White just in time for terrorizing people on Halloween.

***

Postscript: Amar’e Stoudemire’s Top Ten (reasons he is excited to play for the New York Knicks) was pretty amazing.

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Filed under Commenting, Ponderings, Television, [Obscure] Winter Sports

Tracy Morgan on the A List

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I am a big fan of 30 Rock. I adore Tina, Alec, Tracy, the foreign girl writer, the black writer who went to Harvard, the Indian kid who used to be on Weeds, the writer dude with the hats and all the rest of the gang. I get sad for them when an episode disappoints and I rejoice when I am so filled with laughter that I feel the need to instantly tweet a choice line.

It happens.

It also happens that I am vastly entertained by Tracy Morgan, although I do admit to occasionally tripping over Jordan vs. Morgan.

Just another thing that happens.

Tina Fey recently made an appearance on The Late Show, promoting Date Night. Letterman and Fey got to chatting about Morgan, prompting Fey to query: “Does he make sense when he’s here?”

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“No.”

A definitive ‘no’ from Letterman.

Fey then went on to reflect on–and do a hilarious impersonation of–the strange way Morgan has of saying things. Apparently there was once a hot blonde dancer lady on the set in Long Island City and everyone was giving a shot at hitting on her. Morgan– master of the bizarre turn of phrase– went up to the woman and said, “You look like you should be be married to one of the San Diego Padres.”

The impersonation was eerily similar to the one that my father does of Morgan by way of shouting, “Liz Lemon!” etc, etc, at me.

Yet another thing that just tends to happen.

And this is why I hate wearing my glasses. And that dress I have that Fey wore during the second season of 30 Rock.

dailyshow.com

A re-run of Fey’s appearance on The Late Show aired the same night (April 15, 2010) that Morgan visited The Daily Show to promote his new movie Death at a Funeral. Hilarity ensued.

“J. Stew! Stew Beef!”

“Please don’t make people on the street shout that at me!”

Apparently Morgan had been on the show less than a month earlier for the promotion of Cop Out–which I am sorry but those trailers were entertaining to me, they just were. It appears that Stewart had exceeded the advisable quota of Morgan hysterics for one month, because he lost his composure no less than about four-thousand times.

As Morgan came onto the set Stewart opened by declaring that Morgan smelled really special. Morgan’s reply? “It’s a new fragrance: Tito Jackson, the special fragrance for bass players.”

Morgan  went on to explain how he is now fully A-list. He also explained that, “Coming on this show, you gotta have a GED, gotta have a diploma or something.”

“I’m A-list!”

“You smell A-list!”

And to be on twice in such close proximity! Of all the Daily Show guests, Morgan’s appearances have been the closest in succession. Ponder that elite A-list status, will you?

dailyshow.com

Morgan went on to shed a little light of his own on the whole Tiger Woods debacle. Stewart brought up the controversial tweets in which Jim Carrey had thrown some blame to Elin Nordegen and Morgan noted the essence of golf: “That’s what golfing is about. It’s about getting out of the house, away from your wife! It’s golf!”

I mean… he has a point. About golf.

Mysteriously an audience member had a hot tip for Stewart regarding the interview. He was told to ask Morgan if it was true that he hadn’t seen Spiderman because Tobey Maguire owes him $75.00.

True …It had something to do with Governor Spitzer… it’s a long story.”

“What could you get with $75.00?”

“Oh, you’d be surprised!”

In one last worlds colliding moment, Morgan inexplicably asked, “Remember Moses? With Charlton Heston?”

My favorite spring holiday piece of cinema. Favorite.

dailyshow.com

And then Jon Stewart said exactly what I was thinking: ‘Tracy Morgan, I would like to follow you around for a week.”

bust.com

Morgan was also recently featured as the cover boy of this month’s BUST magazine as their headlining interview. The issue is the “Men We Love” edition, mainly full of hugely entertaining men like Morgan: Will Arnett, Aziz Ansari, Will Forte, etc.

In the interview one gets to learn a little bit about the relationship with Fey: “Well, when we’re at work we’re like brother and sister in the sandbox. And then when we leave the sandbox, she goes to her house and I goes to my house and that’s how it is. We play nicely in the sandbox.”

Way to ruin the assumption that everyone on television is secretly besties. Way.

Actually, the article covers a lot of serious ground– strikingly unlike his talk show interviews– such as his rough times childhood in Bed-Stuy, relationships with women and the mid-aughts when he faced DUI charges among other issues, all topics covered in his autobiography I Am the New Black.

But really this serious side in no way changes the fact that “Tracy Morgan, I would like to follow you around for a week,” or maybe just even a day.

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Comedy Takes on the Olympics: Saturday Night Live, Jimmy Fallon & David Letterman

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This past weekend, NBC had the foresight to know that they would have to slowly reintegrate regular entertainment programing into the blood stream of rabid Olympic viewers. They knew not to rush the matter and they respected our desire to focus on obscure winter sports for just a few more days.

First off, Bob Costas had Jimmy Fallon pay him a visit on Friday night. Not only did Fallon get caught up on his ‘thank you’ card writing, but Costas tried out his own comedy chops with a little fabulous faux keyboard playing. Here are a few gems from their encounter:

“Thank you men’s speed skating for leaving nothing to the imagination. We get it– it’s cold in there.”

“Thank you to biathlon for having athletes ski around with rifles on their backs. In America we love sports where players run around with guns– but we call it the NBA.”

“Thank you Apolo Ohno for winning an American record number of medals and for being to frozen water what Michael Phelps is to regular water. Oh no he didn’t! More like: Ohno, he did.

Bob wrote that one. Yes he did. Love Bob.

“Thank you one one-hundredth of a second for apparently being a huge crap load of time.”

He also thanked Bob Costas and Chris Collinsworth for dressing so dapperly. I second, as does GQ.

“Thank you Olympics for being the first televised event to top American Idol on the ratings in over six years.” I believe that major props go to Shaun White for that victory.

I especially feel this last one, because in case you didn’t know: I seriously judge the phenomenon that is American Idol.

It was delightful. We took our second step into the cold pool water that is regular programming the next evening with the return of Saturday Night Live instead of late night Olympic coverage. I was a little sad.

Jennifer Lopez was the host and musical guest, so of course the writers took advantage of her Latinaness and brought us a curling match aired by ESPN Classic featuring Team Paraguay helmed by Maria-Shakira Prinze, Jr. versus Helga Birkenstock on the Norwegian team. The lady product sponsor? Gyne-Lotrimin vaginal cream for those times when “you’ve got something fungal in your lady jungle.”

Oh writers.

There was also the expected foray into Telemundo-land in which Lopez and SNL’s Fred Armisen played anchors to Jenny Slate and Bill Hader as on-location correspondents in Vancouver. They were not happy: “I would say I am in hell, but it is far too cold for that.” The sketch expounded upon the high risks associated with these obscure winter sports: “All of the sports are very strange, why would you do this unless you want to kill yourself?”

“Why?! Why would you do this?!”

Upon watching a ski jump competitor take off Lopez and Armisen screamed, “Where did the land go?!” When Slate explained that for some reason flying off the end of a slippery slope  had been the athletes intent they shook their heads, “Oh thank goodness he is ok!”

Point. After all, it is shockingly counterintuitive stuff.

Their conclusion? “This is a madness that happens when a country has no beaches.”

Oh really? Well then explain me that Jamaican bobsled team? Ahaha– got you.

At any rate, I would like to take this opportunity to thank NBC for caring enough to ease me slowly out of my Olympic bubble. The Marriage Ref… not so great, but then again those closing ceremonies… not so great either. It was a toss-up.

This evening, I finally went ahead and changed the channel from NBC to explore the world away from the peacock. It was weird. David Letterman was there, and guess who was with him? Evan Lysacek presenting the Top Ten List: Thoughts Going Through Evan Lysacek’s Head While Going Through His Gold Medal Winning Routine.” A few of the better ones:

“Did I overdo it with the sequins?”

“Bendy-twirly-jumpy thing”

“Stop running promos for The Marriage Ref.”

“Wheeeeee!” To which Dave countered, “You’d be surprised how many times that thought goes through my mind just sitting right here.”

And the number one thought: “Holy crap, I’m dizzy.”

My main critique: There should have been a Dancing with the Stars reference, and we all know it.

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