Seth Meyers Addresses Dressage, Mitty, & the Perks of Being an NBC Employee

In a refreshing break from having to actually listen to any of the NBC commentators (aside from Bob and Mary, who are—obviously—delightful), Seth Meyers stopped by the studio this afternoon for a little post Dressage commentary, among other hilarious things.

Meyers declared, “I have Olympic fever and I think in the daze of Olympic fever, I  somehow got Shanghaied into being here [in the studio],” for his usual fee of a turkey sandwich. Apparently the catering at the NBC London studio is not great, because the actual anchor clarified, “a dry turkey sandwich.”

Of course, given the state of affairs at NBC, it might be considered pretty generous that they can offer an appearance fee to one of their own. When asked about how he came to be in London, Meyers said, “Well look, we’ve worked for NBC for a long time and at some point you have to say, like, I’d like to go to the Olympics.” And apparently as long as you’re willing to stop by on your way to a beach volley ball match, NBC will make that happen for you.

I want to work at NBC.

Meyers on Women’s Gymnastics & Becoming an Expert

“It’s so exciting… If you spend two hours at women’s gymnastics live you feel like a full expert… You’re like, ‘Oh that’s a double Arabian, that’s no small thing… That’s an execution deduction!'”

I feel you Seth. I, too, am a gymnastics expert based on three years of childhood participation and a couple of evenings of wondering if there are any teams other than the Americans, Russians and Chinese.

Meyers on the Badminton Scandal

First of all, you have to excuse the coaches and players, because they probably were not aware that anyone would be watching, as they are playing badminton, ““They did not realize that you guys [at NBC] have a million hours of coverage.”

Fair?

“You just realize, like as a coach ,if you’re ever going to ask your players to throw a game, you have to practice throwing a game.” This made the entire studio laugh. Including the people who are being paid to be quiet behind the scenes.

Meyers on Dressage and How Rich Mitt Romney Is

“Mitt couldn’t be distancing himself enough from this horse… When you say [during the Brian Williams interview]: ‘I don’t quite know what my wife’s horse is doing in the Olympics,’ that is the longest way to say ‘You have no idea how rich I am.’”

“You should be able to embrace the fact that your wife’s horse is in the Olympics, and people shouldn’t be able to use it against you, like I just did—but I hold myself to a different lower standard.”

Meyers on Appropriate Patriotism & Team USA Support

“I’m rooting for Rafalca [the Romney horse]… Well look, we’re Americans and we have to root for all our American athletes—even horses with super foreign names.”

Yup.

Daniel Radcliffe’s Saturday Night (Never-You-Mind About Lana Del Rey)

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I actually made myself watch at least half of each of Lana Del Rey’s performances when I finally DVRed it up with Saturday Night Live this morning. Really, I did. And that is last I have to say about it, other than noting that this Thought Catalog self-defense is pretty special, and calling your attention to the awkward spin she did halfway through “Video Games.”

Onwards.

Aside from the lacklustre musicality, Daniel Radcliffe’s SNL outing was pretty solid. There was only one Harry Potter sketch (“No one wants to see Dumbledore working at Harry Pottery Barn”), a lot of reddish wig wearing, and a lot of back-and-forth in the accent department. The Potter movies benefited from a healthy dose of humor, throughout the entire series, culminating in surprising moments of levity in the face of death in Deathly Hallows, Part 2; thus, I had been waiting to see how one of the lead three would fare hosting SNL, betting on Radcliffe given that he just finished How to Succeed…, has been living in New York, and has a new film coming out (sidebar: how few people noticed that Emma Watson is in My Week with Marilyn?).

Remember when Seth Meyers was in sketches? / NBC.com

The opening monologue wasn’t entirely inspired or hysterical, but it wasn’t awkward either—and quite often, really, that’s a win on SNL. Radcliffe jibed at adult fans of Potterdom, explain that although “I know [the books] were long, but that’s because the letters were big—you know for children.” He also reflected that of all the actors who have played him in past sketches (Rachel Dratch, Bill Hader, Will Forte, Hugh Jackman), that “I think we can all agree Jackman came the closest.”

Although they DO both sing and dance... / NBC.com

Someone has a high opinion of himself.

Just saying.

So after a hilarious No-Really-I’m-Not-A-Robot-I’m-Just-Like-You Mitt Romney cold open by Jason Sudeikis, and monologue, the night carried on with the return of Target Lady and an epic-mullet-wearing Radcliffe as the stock boy who loves her. In this sketch, we were all afforded a moment to confront and accept just how incredibly porcelain Daniel Radcliffe is, when he ripped his shirt open to display the muscles he is beefing up for Target Lady. In case you missed it in Deathly Hallows, Part 2 and/or Equus… he is a pale man with very dark hair.

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Also, there was the first of the Sarah McLachlan jokes for the evening when Wiig’s character is told to keep the change—which is not allowed to do—she cries, “I know! I’m gonna give this to Sarah McLachlan and her wet dogs!”

Meanwhile, critics of Participation Trophies and the self-indulgence of blogs everywhere are sure to have enjoyed the “You Can Do Anything” show, celebrating the most affirmed generation in history:

• “Because I have no shame or self-awareness.”
• “I’m what you would call ‘Twitter famous’.” “Meaning?” “Not famous.”
• “I went to a school with no grades! I tried, and therefore no one should criticize me.”

Shortly afterwards, a promo for the Jersey-Boys-alike musical, Delaware Fellas (representing the state that was named after another state’s governor), ended with a ringing endorsement from Joe Biden (seriously though, where has he been lately? #irl) who gives the show “three and a half trains: Woot! Woot! Woot! Wo—!”

And then there was the return to Hogwarts, where young wizards will spend the best years of their lives, “Honestly, the best. It does not get better,” as a washed-up Harry Potter informs them.

In regards to recent life events in the post-Voldemort world: “And just yesterday—this is equally exciting—I bought a Volvo.” That’s a big deal. And very safe.

Radcliffe also stopped by the Weekend Update desk (my favorite place, clearly), as Casey Anthony’s newly adopted Yorkshire terrier, asking: “I mean, where was Sarah McLachlan on that one?” when Anthony applied to adopt a canine companion. HE also spoke out against the perceived monopoly cats have on certain types of humor: “Dogs can be sarcastic too. It’s not just for cats.”

My dog is always sarcastic. Especially when I throw something for her to fetch and she makes me go get it instead.

Seth Meyers also informed us that “A pub in England ahs started selling a special beer designed for dogs. I’m sorry, let me read that again: A pub in England has started selling Miller Lite.” Meanwhile, I have started drinking PBR as a method of staving off hangovers, since it is the equivalent of downing a nice cold tallboy of water.

I also really enjoyed the New Hampshire Primary Exit Poll sketch, and for some reason died when one of Wiig’s questions to Radcliffe went like this:

“Can you sleep on planes?”
“Yes!” with great enthusiasm.
“I can’t!” And I hate you a little.

For the record, I can doze on planes.

And the last, most magical thing that happened, went down when Fred Armisen and Seth Meyers were off on stage left at the end of bows, totally jamming it out.

So while I am glad that I made the choice to see some live sketch comedy on Saturday at Chicago Sketch Fest (which incidentally involved a parody of the way Saturday Night Live wraps up the show every week), and today I am pretty pleased that I have a DVR and that it is forever programmed to record SNL—just in case.

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I’m Afraid I’ve Not Been In

Sorry about that. Things have been kind of crazy busy around here lately and sadly, the blogging had to take a hiatus. I’ve missed a lot of marvelous goings on, but hopefully things will be up and running properly again shortly. I have, however, tried to stay on top of my Twitter whilst away, so you should be following me, because I am told it is such a delight.

Things I am so sad to have missed commenting on:

1. The Muppets on Saturday Night Live with Jason Segel.
   

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2. Kermit visiting the Weekend Update desk for a special segment of “REALLY?! with Seth and Kermit”(he’s not a puppet, he’s a real live talking frog). Also, I signed a petition about that whole pizza is a vegetable thing, and it’s still making me sick to think about.
   

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3. Most of the Figure Skating Grand Prix season and the final (although, to be fair the failure there has a lot to do with the failure of AT&T U-Verse to carry Universal Sports).

   

   Charlie White and Meryl Davis, Free Dance for the Gold/ UniversalSports.com Reuters

So really, two things. Also the Savoy Cocktail Project, which will be back up and running shortly. I had a dinner party and tried out some Cocchi Americano… I was very pleased.

I have also started watching How I Met Your Mother, which—for the vast numbers of people surely wondering—is now available to stream on Netflix. Note it.

United States of FIFA [12] Commercial with… Seth Meyers

This aired after the ‘Weekend Update’ segment of last weekend’s Saturday Night Live premiere.

I had to  stop fast-forwarding, rewind and watch again.

Also Steve Nash and apparently Hope Solo. But I am far more entertained by Seth Meyers. Obviously.

Random.

Seth Meyers at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner

Really, you don’t need much more than the title of this post and the video. If you love Seth Meyers like I do, you need this in your life.

A few teaser lines:

“If you ever see Anderson Cooper with his shirt off, turn off your television and run.”

“John Hamm looks the way every Republican thinks they look. Zach Galifianakis is also here. Zach Galifianakis looks the way Republicans think every Democrat looks.”

“Donald Trump has been saying that he will run for president as a Republican, which is surprising because I just assumed he was running as  joke.”

Charlie Sheen’s Wine of Choice

Assuming that Charlie Sheen would deign to drink something as low-key as red wine… I think I discovered the obvious front-runner: Gnarly Head.

As highlighted on Saturday Night Live’s “Weekend Update” segment on Winners vs. Losers, the volume of cocaine purportedly clogging Sheen’s airways has left him lost in the 1980s. This is evidenced by his usage of 80s slang (winner) such as “gnarly” and “bitchin’.”

“What do you mean there’s new slang? How did I not hear it?”

“You haven’t stopped talking for 25 years.”

And a parting shot of snark from favorite Seth Meyers…

“The biggest loser? Winning. Doesn’t seem to mean the same thing anymore.”

I now vow never again to ponder the dung heap that is Charlie Sheen’s life. My only excuse is that we had this bottle of wine at dinner last night and it was cosmic.

England-USA: Howard, Green & the Three-Minute Men

To be fair, I did not come up with that title; it was a viewing buddy’s brain child, but it needed to be used.

Ok, so England scored a mere three minutes into the game yesterday—pretty crazy.

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And then Tim Howard just brought it. Seriously. The U.S. has the best goalie. And not only do we have an amazing goalie, but he sports an amazing neon orange kit.

These things are important too. Never forget that.

Maybe if Green had an awesome neon ensemble verses being Green in Green, he wouldn’t have had that fumble.

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On the other he apparently made an awesome save in the second half. I had lost my concentration by then, I admit.

We watched the match at Louis 649, perched at the bar between their two 50-odd inch flat screens (rented especially for the World Cup), almost evenly split between England and the USA.

[Sidenote: Wearing a Saint George’s cross flag like a cape on Avenue B might result in having a thumbs-down shoved in your face as you walk. Seriously, your big anti-England move is to silently thumbs-down? I mean sure, you invaded personal space with your bit of sign language, but really. Really.]

We had two for England, two for USA and then me doing the tightrope.

My bracket choice called for a draw in the game so, you know, I won, in case you wondered. I decided to express my neither-nor status by cheering for the USA and drinking many Pimm’s No. 1 Cups.

I thought it was a good line to tread.

Also, I feel bad for Green. Things happen. And it’s not like they lost. They didn’t win (to clarify again, I won), but they didn’t lose either.

“It is regrettable and not what you want to happen but that’s life and you move on. You hold your head up high and get to work in training. It won’t affect me psychologically. I’m 30, I’m a man, and you have hardships in life and prepare for them.”

Good for you Green. I’m glad to hear that you are persevering. Also, like thanks so much for failing to catch that one and then having an awesome save later on, because I need as many points as I can get in the bracket. Serbia really failed me this morning and now I am no longer in the lead of my pool.

Germany better bring it.

Especially that really tall scary No. 17, Per Mertesacker, also known as die Abwehrlatte (the Defense Pole) by the German tabloids.

I kid you not. Just look at Wikipedia, the source of all that is 100 percent true, right?

The Ladies of Saturday Night

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[tweetmeme source=”JohannaAP25″] In case you live under a rock, the Facebook driven Betty White episode of Saturday Night Live finally happened this past weekend. the episode was a “Women of Comedy” night, reuniting past female cast members Rachel Dratch, Tina Fey, Ana Gasteyer, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph and Molly Shannon.

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It was amazing. If you missed it, you need to  get on your OnDemand, Hulu it, usurp your neighbor’s DVR– whatever you need to do to get it done. Your life will be illuminated.

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Betty White came out for her monologue wearing an appropriately sparkly Golden Girls-esqy twin-set. She opened by thanking Facebook– “a huge waste of time”– for getting her on the show as a host at the age of 88 and a half years old, “So it’s great to be here for a number of reasons… But now I’m here tonight because you wanted me to be, and I feel so loved.”

With so many other hilarious ladies in tow, White definitely benefited from the revival of plum sketches and characters from the past decade or so, in addition to a some favorite current bits such as Kenan Thompson’s scared straight routine.

But about those old best of the best favorites…

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Ana Gasteyer and Molly Shannon brought back “Delicious Dish” on NPR with a hilarious double-entendre centered around Betty White’s muffins. There was a giant muffin as well. This challenge to the classic Alec Baldwin “Schweddy Balls” skit required a lot of tweeting and– I am going to go out on a limb– that muffin easily gives the balls a run for their money.

Molly Shannon was back later with another legendary character that brought me right back to junior high days of watching SNL: Sally O’Malley was back,  fifty (sidebar: I really hope that in a few years when Shannon actually is fifty, they have her back to reprise yet again) and kicking just as defiantly as ever. However, Dotty O’Donaghan was on set to challenge Sally as AARP representative extraordinaire: White’s Dotty is 90, and thus a just a touch less active that Sally: “I like to stand, I like to bend– and I like to sit.” Sass, sass and more sass; that is what you get from Betty White always.

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Will you just look at those cheek bones? Plus, based on the continued existence of Sally O’Malley’s dressy sweat suit situation, I wonder if they still have Ana Gasteyer’s dress from her days singing awkward tunes with Will Ferrell as Bobbie Mohan-Culp, because I was pretty sure that I saw that exact dress at a thrift shop on First Avenue recently… but perhaps I was mistaken.

And do you note how thoroughly amused Seth Meyers is in the image above? Beyond the complete delightfulness of Episode 1575 as a piece of entertainment peppered with White’s surprisingly dirty mouth, razor-sharp delivery and cheekbones, let us take a moment to reflect on the giddiness of the entire cast and brigade of guest stars. People were on the verge of completely losing it throughout the night. During the Weekend Update segment, Meyers just gave up and reveled in the performance as a spectator.

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And it just kept getting better.

“Really!?” came back, first with Seth and Amy, and then out of the necessity of a Greek commentator, Tina Fey joined in to chastise the Greek economy. Reaction to the Greek retirement age of 54 years old: “Greek people in America work the register at the diner ’til they die!”

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And while Meyers always looks to be on the verge of breaking, even Poehler had a few moments of twitchy lips during Fey’s rant. It was indicative of the all-star evening… really. During the Lorenzo McIntosh scared straight sketch, Bill Hader oscillated between looking like he was having an aneurysm or the best time ever. It was probably the latter.

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Towards the end of the show, the entire ensemble sang “Thank You for Being a Friend.” And then White said that although they had done a very nice job, she preferred her own heavy metal version.

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Everybody has their preferences.

America prefers Betty White. And the Ladies of Comedy. And their versatility and genius. And I wish wish wish that every week could be even half as fantastic as this one.

Oh and if this Weekend Update said anything, it said that Seth Meyers could really use a buddy up there, even though we’re clearly all fans.

I could go on. I could recap Maya Rudolph’s hilarious stint as Whitney Houston on Update. I could discuss Amy Poehler and her baby bump kicking it as Gingey, the turn-of-the-century lesbian tomboy. I could note how hilarious it was to see Betty White introduce Jay-Z.

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Instead, I will leave you with my favorite bumper photo of the night and urge you to watch the episode yourself and stop being a failure at life.

Closing Ceremonies: I Almost Ran Out of Words

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Shortly before the Vancouver 2010 closing ceremonies were upon us, I came across a tweet that echoed my feelings almost perfectly:

@SethMeyers21 Nice work Winter Olympics. Now don’t blow it with an over emphasis on ice and whales at closing ceremony.

Now to be fair, we were warned that the closing ceremonies were going to end up a bit campy. We were not, however, warned that they would be emotionally scarring. Remember, for instance the small child on inline skates dressed like a hockey puck, who looked downright terrified (and also really resentful of whoever got him the gig) in the midst of those gigantic and horrendous cutout hockey players. Add to that the enormous inflated beavers, the midriff girl maple leaves, the real and oversized Mounties, the slutty Mounties, the men dancing in canoes… it was mayhem, and not the good kind (by which I clearly mean short track, the best kind of mayhem ever).

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The beginning was OK; with the knowledge of what was to come I might even call it quite nice. The look forward to what we can expect for Sochi 2014 was a delight– an orchestra playing in the snow in Red Square, classy (the Sochi gear that people were already wearing was a reminder that Russian fashion definitely peaked around 1982, but I won’t dwell. Not until 2014).

The athletes marching in was heartwarming as usual. Ralph Lauren dressed the Americans up like New England-themed paper dolls. It was picturesque.

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At first I forgot that the athletes get a specially designed outfit for their march, and since the cameras immediately honed in on Apolo Ohno I had a moment thinking, “Well that’s adorable, look at Apolo wearing a plaid shirt and tie with an old man cardigan, he looks so happy and Ivy League…” and then, “Oh hey, that  other guy is rocking Williamsburg plaid too… Wait a minute! Oh, Ralph Lauren you sly dog, you tricked me into thinking that your Olympic gear is real clothing!”

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As a sidebar, if you are a millionaire, you can go to the Polo store on Madison Avenue and get your own high-end Olympian gear. I would like very much for someone to purchase me one of those old man cardigans with the enormous Polo logo, the turn over collar and that authentic five ring appliqué. Or you know, if you have one and you are never going to wear it again, send it my way. I will wear it all the time. I think it is jaunty.

Ahem.

At one point during all this marching, either Bob Costas or Al Michaels said, “This may seem corny to some, but this is what the Olympic games are supposed to be about.” I have to admit that I really like seeing how happy everyone is and for once in my life I find myself judgement free watching the athletes snap pictures of the crowd and, even better, with each other. Again the cameras found Ohno getting a shot with one of the hockey players. A girl with what appeared to be a broken leg was carried in by two teammates. Evan Lysacek was rocking his gold medal and having a fine time. Everyone was wearing ridiculous moose antler crown thingies. It was nice. My heart was warmed.

You know what’s great about the Olympics? They make you forget about all the people whose dreams have not come true.

But  you know, it is kind of nice for two weeks to let yourself become invested in and stoked about people who worked hard and were lucky enough for that hard work to have paid off in the ultimate sporting way– even if the closing ceremonies make me say snarky things like the above.

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The arena went quiet as Neil Young– who Costas described as “still rocking in the real world after forty-some years”– sang “Long May You Run,” and the flame petered out. People around the world felt a sudden emptiness inside. I wondered what I would do without obscure winter sports to keep me occupied. Al Michaels would later reflect that, “when the cauldron descended I felt like everybody here was like ‘No, no, no– we’re not ready for this party to end.'”

And then it all went to hell.

William Shatner’s monologue seemed lost and torn between various tonal choices, as if six writers had gotten together, each written their own script and then told a non-English speaking intern to paste the bits together. When Catherine O’Hara appeared out of the ground I got really excited and then she bombed with a drawn-out joke about Canadian politesse: “We just like to say ‘sorry,’ It’s our real national past time. The delightful Michael J. Fox was not a whole lot better and the tinker tot graphics that accompanied him were mind boggling.

NBC kept hopefully resorting to their Vonn-cam in hopes that her delighted face would make it appear that things were going well. Lindsey Vonn, of course, in her never-ending quest to be the most overexposed athlete of the games willingly obliged.

On our end, Kathleen just exclaimed, “You are ruining the Olympics.” I felt similarly let down.

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The mayhem had not even started at this point. It is difficult to even recount the dismay felt when the giant hockey players, mounties, moose and beavers appeared. I can only hope that in person it was less distressing because I would hate to be an Olympian who just battled through two weeks of grueling competition, stayed around to march with my countrymen in the closing ceremonies and then ended up with retina scarred by inflatable woodland creatures and Canadian stereotypes.

Best description of the theatrical meltdown belongs to Matt: “This is a Mel Brooks musical.” And yet not nearly as entertaining. What an awful day to be a Mountie.

At 10:20 an exasperated Kathleen cried, “Thank God The Marriage Ref is on in ten minutes, because I need to break up with Canada… I literally want to die now. Like, I really enjoyed these Olympics. I went to the gym because of these Olympics.” She did. She even signed up for a 6:45 am spin class. “It’s so un-Olympics!”

Sigh. Sour notes indeed. As if the end of the Olympic games is not bittersweet to begin with, this made it downright unpleasant. I certainly hope that the people who were there managed to have a good time. Maybe being in a tiny Manhattan apartment, stewing in my own failure to have achieved my dreams had something to do with my distaste.

But I’m pretty sure that it was actually out of control. A few Olympian tweets from the ceremony/ensuing concert that included Nickelback & Simple Plan (a more evidence for my judgement):

@airblais Wow…really playing up the stereotypes!

@airblais Nooooooooooo Nickleback! Omg…this hurts!

@SeanCrooks Get a new album Avril. I said it.

@SeanCrooks Ok , just clear it up. Hedley and Simple Plan…No

Of course most people were more positive about the situation– basking in the glow as is their right– very Olympian of them. You can go on twitter yourself for those, there are far too many.

At any rate, it’s over. We’ve had to say goodnight and goodbye to Bob Costas who sent us off into the night with “the traditional cavalcade of Olympic images” to the tune of John Williams’ inspired Olympian theme.

Until we meet again.

*******

I’m just kidding. This week will see a series of Olympic recaps featuring Olympian advertising, a few top ten lists, profiles on some favorite ssuch as Mary Carillo the queen of the late night Olympic coverage, Johnny Weir and more. In fact, if you have a request feel free to leave a comment and I will see what I can do. It is going to be a process in which we mingle the Olympic with regular bloggy programming. Together we can slowly wean ourselves off the Olympics with minimal postsportum depression, hahaha.

Sorry for that.

I also plan to do what I can in the future to keep up with a few of my featured obscure winter sports for the future, to get us all through to Sochi. So stay tuned!

Bringing in the Clowns & Mystique: Pairs Short Program

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Sunday saw the first figure staking event, which as you might surmise by the title of this post was the pairs short program. Let me begin by saying that my eyes may have been scarred by some of the most horrifying costumes I have ever seen. I would really like to hear what Johnny Weir has to say about some of those.

To start with good costumes, we have Yuko Kavaguti and Alexander Smirnov of Russia with their black and white swan-ness. Now i have a great fear of swans based on being chased in Kensington Gardens and intimidated around the world by their snaky, rope-like necks, but I concede my enjoyment of these two.

TOSHIFUMI KITAMURA/AFP/Getty Images from CTVOlympics.ca

And now to address the cute… we have the German pair, Aliona Savchenko and Robin Szolkowy wearing commedia dell’arte outfits, complete with tears painted on their faces for a program skated to “Bring in the Clowns.” There were pompoms, there were sequins,  don’t forget that face paint situation.

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And then… the travesty of them all, best described by a Seth Meyers tweet: @sethmeyers21 Tatiana Volosozhar wins my best dressed at pairs figure skating. Reminds me of Mystique from X-Men. There’s not a lot more to say, other than “if by ‘best,’ you mean ‘worst’.” Regardez: Tatiana Volosozhar and  Stanislav Morozov of Ukraine.

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I know.