If you are just getting the memo: keep your boots on, there’s a poisonous Egyptian cobra loose in the Bronx.
As if enough people already don’t want to go all the way up to the Bronx.
You do not want to end up quoting Toy Story’s Woody: “There’s a snake in my boots.”
Seriously. I have a friend who works nearby at the Botanical Gardens and let me tell you, her Facebook status was all about wearing boots to work yesterday. Because—again—there’s a small but deadly young lady cobra slithering about.
The Bronx Zoo is concerned, but they are not quite dwelling on the matter. They’ve closed the reptile building and you know, they’re looking for her, but “Right now, it’s the snake’s game. At this point, it’s just like fishing; you put the hook in the water and wait. Our best strategy is patience, allowing her time to come out of hiding.”
Meanwhile, Vanity Fair re-ordered the zoo’s press release from most comforting to most frightening statement. It’s pretty golden. Least worrying? “We remain confident that the snake is contained within the Reptile House.” Most worrying? “Right now, it’s the snake’s game.”
My favorite is, “As this may take days or even weeks, daily updates should not be expected.”
I take this lackluster show of public administrative engagement as proof that this is not a publicity stunt. Someone probably just really hates the general populace. Or at least the Reptile House security guards.
Not that someone isn’t taking full advantage of the mayhem to grab some limelight.
That’s right, Miss Cobra has a Twitter feed and is taking Manhattan by storm: @BronxZoosCobra
You should probably just follow Miss Cobra.
And let’s all hope my friend does not get assaulted by a snake just for working at a cultural institution.
Or anyone else for that matter. But I do love the tweeting. I just do.
Also, I am going to start coming up with t-shirt designs to sell to the Bronx Zoo post-haste. Because as soon as they find their slithery outlaw, that place is going to hopping, and just think of the merchandise.
Other things I cannot wait for: the cobra’s inevitable appearance on Today with Kathie Lee and the ever-suffering Hoda.