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I’m not known for shouting at televisions. I’m not known for shrieking during sporting events… except short track which just seems to bring it out in me. The races turned out just as forecasted by Apolo Ohno who told viewers to be ready to see jostling, offensive positioning, and wipe outs.
If you missed the short track 1000m races aired last night, you need to just get on NBColympics.com and get it done. You really do. The option to crawl into bed and start crying over you failure to view isn’t even an option. If you have a Mac and it’s not Intel so the stupid NBC Microsoft Silverlight player won’t work, get your ass on YouTube, call a friend, knock on a neighbor’s door. Do something.
First of all, Apolo Ohno made an awesome pass in the 1000m quarter finals, coolly zipping into qualifying position. Not surprising; still awesome. Always is.
Then J.R. Celski’s heat came up and… mayhem went down. What follows are a series of quotes from our living room, largely featuring the linguistic stylings of Brigitte, a new guest star. So bad, so good.
I’m shouting lord knows what, including things like “Own it! Own it! Brigitte turns to me and says, ever so snarkily… “Oh… no?” And this just as the mayhem is reaching a peak (1:19:4 of the race, 3:05 on the NBC video), culminating in borderline sexual harassment-esque groping of Celski by Canadian François Hamelin who eventually wiped out, a fate Celski managed to avoid but due to all the contact ended up in third place out of qualifying position. The judges hit up the instant replay to determine disqualification of Celski for basically pushing Hamelin off himself… and my living room? Thusly:
@JohannaAP25 ARE you KIDDING ME?!?!?! #shorttrack #olympics
They pan to Apolo warming up for his heat, of course he’s yawning but in my state of excitement I initially choose to interpret an open mouth as: “Apolo is appalled! This is appalling! I’m appalled!” Which instantly devolved into an unintended pun, gleefully pointed out by Brigitte. When it becomes clear that Ohno is just doing his own thing, Brigitte begins to telepath his thoughts:
“This is boring, it doesn’t involve me.”
As an update, I’m still yelling at the television whilst struggling with the decision whether or not to laugh at Brigitte as Celski ends up getting disqualified for existing, in my opinion. At one point Ohno cooly starts applauding… don’t really know why. Living room commentary: “Did he just start applause for himself? Oh, I think he did!”
And then it was straight back to business. No time for laughs here. Intense. I get really intense.
Quarterfinals saw Celski cut out of the competition but Ohno with “my craziest pass in a long time,” came around the inside from the back straight into first place. Commentator: “Ohno waited for the mistake, took advantage of it… and gets to the final!” Can’t blame a guy for a victorious smirk after that.
JohannaAP25 SEE?! Short track IS the best sport at the#olympics @apoloohno
On to the final, which definitely shaved a few years off my life expectancy. It was also the final straw with my neighbors who are now fully convinced that I am insane. Ohno is cruising from third place into second, almost first and then slips, manages not to fall but ends up last in the pack. Shouting and then silence, apparently mirrored in the Pacific Colosseum as Ohno regroups and passes the Canadian Hamelin brothers ahead of him, “Apolo Ohno takes down two brothers and a country,” taking the bronze and the medal count record from Bonnie Blair with his seventh trip to the podium. Watch the video and let your mind be boggled by how he stayed on his feet, “fired up the engines and passed two of the fastest guys in the world.” Yeah ya did.
Just afterwards Ohno described the race: “Only one mistake, just one slip, that’s how crazy this sport is… but you know, it was a great race… I would love to redo it, but either way I’m very happy with the results…Especially in a sport as volatile as short track speed skating… If I didn’t make that slip I think I would have won the race… [however,] no regrets… I left it all on the ice.”
Ohno chatted with Bob Costas this afternoon about the “two crazy events left,” saying that he is “very excited, it’s gonna be fun.” I for one am really looking forward to that relay. Love the relays.
And Sochi? “Well… uh, I don’t know, I don’t know… I’m taking it one week at time.” Here’s hoping!