Tassels, Skeletor, Feathers & Hamilton: Men’s Short Program


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After a broadcast such as last night’s it is difficult to organize one’s thoughts, but I shall try.

Let’s begin– as advertised– with the men’s figure skating short program, where we will focus on costumes, music choice and people who make me sad. Don’t forget Scott Hamilton, he’ll be in there too.

Let’s just get Johnny Weir out of the way first. Black costume, hot pink details, some of which are corset-like lacing, ruffles and one singular sensational tassel on his left shoulder. Upon appearing on the ice, one of the commentators simply remarked: “Johnny Weir knows how to make you raise an eyebrow.” At the end of his program, which was quite delightful to me but I grant you my failure to be appropriately informed so as to be informedly critical… Scott Hamilton shifted into a Weirism by concurring that Weir had indeed “rocked the tassel.”

 EPA/ANATOLY MALTSEV /monstersand critics.com 

According to Johnny he refers to this program as “I love you, I hate you” and it represents his two sides. Fabulous. As he skated off the ice Weir picked up a black and pink heart-shaped pillow (clearly made to match his costume) trimmed with ruffles and emblazoned with his name. I wish I had fans that made me pillows to match my outfits. Upon completion of his program and whilst awaiting marks, the arena decided the Lady Gaga would be an apt soundtrack to life… and it was. During the wait Scott Hamilton presented yet another winning remark in an effort to describe Johnny’s style: “I’m here to selllll myself!”

Done.

Following were some horrific sartorial choices accompanying less than pleasing performances. First we had  Czech Tomas Verner Michal Brezina dressed in some sort of Broadway sailor outfit and his ultimate failing is probably based in the fact that he did not use music from Anything Goes for his program, which would have been apt.

REUTERS/Gonzalo Fuentes

@KathElizW There is a guy warming up, dressed like a sailor. Cross your fingers for Anything Goes music.” -@JohannaAP25 #anythingstillgoes

@kmwrather @KathElizW @JohannaAP25 The “sailor” proved to be unimpressive and more-so really gay or really french.

@JohannaAP25 @kmwrather It was really upsetting. He chose the wrong music, obviously. Fail.

We were also honored to see a sparkly skeleton suite worn by Kevin Van Der Perren of Belgium who skated to Mussorgsky’s Night on Bald Mountain, perhaps best known as being the freaking scariest portion of Disney’s Fantasia, scarring millions of small children over the decades. It made nervous just remembering the animated story line as he skated his program. Scary entertaining.

There was also French competitor for Italy (Olympic defection is always so fascinating) who chose to skate to harmonica-ness while wearing off-the-shoulder overalls. I can’t even get into it, so check out Slate on the issue of Samuel Contesti. A sartorial nightmare covered in molasses for the Italian team.

One last flamboyant fellow of the evening before getting to a section of true sadness, the one and only Evan Lysacek. Note on Lysacek: @kmwrather I’m rooting for Evan Lysacek because he’s from Naperville and he taught Meredith Vera to skate like a bird.#OYlmpics (note the tag: OY-lmpics, and make it happen).

Personally, I have always enjoyed that he is from Naperville as well, even though as a rule I scorn the suburbs of my hometown. Plus I’m pretty sure that once, as a child, I went ice skating in Naperville; however nobody ever taught me how to skate like a bird. Lysacek did choose to dress like a bird of sorts last night in a theatrical black Vera Wang ensemble topped off with feathered cuffs. It has been described as ‘raven-like.’ And his skating was superb, superb I tell you. So if you fell asleep or chose to watch Lost or whatever else one might do on a Tuesday night, you should just get into your bed and start crying now. Similar to my suggestion for those who missed the 1500m men’s short track finals this past weekend.

nbcsports.msnbc.com

And now the sadness. If you’ve been reading the blog, or if you just scamper down and take a look at my tag cloud you will note that I adore the Beatles. There can never be enough Beatles, in fact as the years go on there is a less than acceptable level of Beatleness.

@JohannaAP25 YES, skate to the Beatles. I like you Jeremy Abbott. I’m sad you didn’t triple. #olympics

Plus, way to wear a classy outfit Jeremy Abbott, lavender shirt and purple vest, just what was needed after all the slashes and the feathers and the sheerness and the sequins and the skeletons. Truly. And on top of your commendably classic appearance you skated to a jazzed up instrumental version of “A Day in the Life,” not even one of the overused clichéd Beatles favorites. I was so happy. And then, probably much like yourself, I was so sad. Again, for those you live in caves, Abbott singled two triple jumps of whatever sort, it was devastating.

web.icenetwork.com

To sum it up sartorially: Wins = Weir, Lysacek, Abbot; Losses: Contesti, Verner; Undecided but weird: Van Der Perren. For Lysacek at least, the night was a total win, sartorially and actually, placing a close second to scary Russian contender Plushenko.

One last thought: towards the end of the night, Scott Hamilton was heard to say,”It’s hard!”

Thanks Scott.

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8 Comments

Filed under Commenting, [Obscure] Winter Sports

8 responses to “Tassels, Skeletor, Feathers & Hamilton: Men’s Short Program

  1. Pingback: Figure Skating Fashion Faux Pas « Words to Bumble

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  7. Pingback: Skate America 2011: Brezina Shrugs, Van Der Perren Lands Huge Quad & A Silver | Words to Bumble

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