Mayhem at the “Globes”

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So for this one, I’m going to go with my favorite old school way of just writing a list of things that I enjoyed about the Golden Globes, which I really sort of hate calling “The Globes.” It just doesn’t work for me. You know what else doesn’t work for me? The tacky title formating this year that may or may not of have come right out of Power Point (yes Kathleen, I know how to use Power Point… it’s on my resumé, duh). On the other hand, as soon as the ceremony started I realized that the Golden Globes theme music is satisfyingly familiar. It was weird.

Red Carpet Things:

  • Mariah Carey is out of control and I thankfully did not suffer nightmares about her cleavage taking over the world last night, but it was a major fear of mine as I set off to bed. Like… really?! Are you kidding me with that dress? And was it just me, or did her head look freakishly small in comparison?
  • I think everyone made at least one comment on the bearded lumberjack look: George Clooney, John Hamm, and Jason Bateman for example. Oh, and by everyone, I mean me and Kathleen.
  • And while they have been enumerated elsewhere to death, the endless NBC jibes were pretty enjoyable, as was Tina Fey forecasting that she and the rest of 30 Rock would just be getting drunk that night, rather than winning anything.
  • Tracy Morgan wore a white tux jacket. That’s all.

Ceremony Things:

  • The second we got a view of the seating arrangements we all had to wonder, how did Julia Roberts end up getting to sit next to Paul McCartney, to be followed up with, how did she retain composure? It only got better when she got on stage and confronted the situation by noting that never had she received so many text messages.
  • After Ricky Gervais’ dig at McCartney fell flat, Sir Paul carried on by referring to himself as “that guy from Rockband.” I will never get tired of noting things related to Beatles Rockband. Like How The Onion’s A/V club named it one of the top ten games of the last decade (and the only one that I own). And to further digress: McCartney’s presence in general inspired a conversation regarding Beatles crushes and what bird Paul McCartney looks like. I said that he used to look like a sparrow, but the consensus is that he now looks like an owl. These things happen I suppose.
  • Neil Patrick Harris tweeted through the entire thing (car ride, seating arrangements, spoiler alerts…), including a picture of himself being terrified of Mickey Rourke… but really, can you blame him? Also pretty sure Rourke gave the envelope the “one eye” in order to read it when presenting. Pretty. Sure.
  • Among the many wastey faced celebrities, Maggie Gyllenhaal’s red-in-the-face attempt to keep a straight face during her plea for Haiti was particularly amusing to me. The general debauchery of the Golden Globes led to the conversation that established, “No I did not as a child note the open drunkenness at the Golden Globes.” Which is funny, because people are blatantly borderline out of control and Ricky Gervais started loosing aspects of his outfit early on, but really losing that black tie over the black shirt was a win-win situation.
  • Robert De Niro and Leonardo DiCaprio presented Martin Scorcese’s Cecil B. DeMille Award with much hilarity: “Marty eats, drinks and sleeps film. I hear that on the internet there are videos of Marty having sex with film. A hot reel of 35mm stock, black and white emulsion…ahhh… hard to pass up, eh Marty?” Amazing, followed by DiCaprio noting that now we know what everyone will be youtubing tonight. The Marty segment prompted “Where did Martin Scorcese get those hipster glasses?” “1943” And the title of my new up and coming biography: “The Original Hipster: The Martin Scorcese Story.”
  • “RT @kmwrather I’m glad they are playing that Ed Helms musical masterpiece for The Hangover So true, and really enough said. win. #goldenglobes”
  • Molly’s official reaction to the win after we had a shouting match and were calm enough to get down to official sound bite material: “I feel validated. They played the Tiger Song, they played the Tiger song. It was just funny. And Zach Galifianakis wasn’t there, which was sad, but I’m getting my 10 margaritas, so I feel validated.” As background, Molly bet a friend 10 margaritas that The Hangover would get an Oscar nomination, so she feels that things are on the right track. Also she likes to tell everyone that I hate the movie, I don’t hate it, I hate the way she makes me watch it every weekend. Just to clarify, I love the Ed Helms musical moment of joy.
  • Robert Downey, Jr. thanking his wife for telling him not to prepare anything to say because surely Matt Damon would win instead. Also his opening threat regarding what would happen if the producers played music over his speechness. So Beatrice’s favorite gets validation. I wonder if she reads this nonsense…
  • Remember that time Kate Winslet won last year and I just love love love love her? She was super classy last night. I just wanted to note my love. I can’t wait to relieve last years Oscars regarding her win for my three devoted readers when the time comes for such things. I might have to do a video of me gushing.
  • We decided that we enjoy “real deal” style couples like Tom Hanks & Rita Wilson, Kevin Bacon & Kyra Sedgwick and I enjoy Calista Flockhart and Harrison Ford, but maybe no one else does.
  • Speaking of Harrison Ford, my life was personally illuminated by his hilariously enthusiastic reaction to Sandra Bullock acceptance speech when she told her family to “put down the Maker’s Mark and go to bed.” Amazing.

Totally Random Things:

  • We had two appearances by women who have musical numbers dedicated to them in musicals: Jodie Foster (Assassins) and Meryl Streep, aka T-Bone? What? (Fame). I wish I had a musical number about me, maybe I can get a moment in the up and coming Waiting for Walsh. (Ignore this awful grammar, just ignore the punctuation and move on with your life. At least I’m not Dan Brown or his editor. Really.
  • We just managed to catch a shot of Amy Poehler (on whom I have a raging lady crush) during a commercial break making an excellent face and doing sarcastic air quotes, which according to Kathleen was very à la Johanna… I have to agree. I will cherish the televised memory of that moment until I forget. Because it was amazing, an actually, so was her on-stage fake banter for whatever she presented, with whomever she was bantering. Banter!

This is pretty long, so I think we’re done, but don’t worry, you’ll get to hear about my late night comedy drama nightmare soon enough. Plus, Kathleen might contribute a celebrity post consisting of a review of Dominos new recipe… wah wah wahhhhh.

PLUS: Are you getting ready for the Olympics? You should be. Gonna turn this apartment into Olympics central. Oh yeah.



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2 responses to “Mayhem at the “Globes”

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  2. Pingback: Golden Globes: Speeches, Fashion, Audience Spy-Cam, & Why Was Ricky Gervais Hosting Again? | Words to Bumble

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